Living On The Edge

It is truly the most exciting time of my life. After years of struggling internally, I feel free, my spirit is soaring. The bound places in my heart are wide open, no longer held back by fear. As I write this, tears of joy are welling up in my eyes. It’s overwhelming in a good way to think about the days when I lived my life as a scared little girl, not fully trusting my heavenly Father. I still feel like a little girl inside, but I’m not afraid anymore. I’m a little girl, sitting perfectly still in my Daddy’s arms. His big, strong arms keep me safe, keep me at peace. Because I know in my heart He is guarding over me. What an amazing FREEDOM it is to live life with no limits, with great expectations from a Daddy who loves me more than I can imagine!

It’s as though my life is a story that has already been written. Three years ago, the Lord encouraged me with some words that I think about often. I have these words recorded in my journal... “God has already written the story of our lives. All we need to do is rest and enjoy it as He turns the pages.” Since then I have been swept up into an amazing adventure, a story that keeps me longing for more. It feels like the times when I am reading a good book. It can be so difficult to put it down because of the anticipation of wanting to see what will happen next. This is my life – I am anxiously awaiting the good plans (Jeremiah 29:11) God has for me.

My husband, Michael, and I have embarked upon a new beginning that my spirit knows will certainly lead us to the destiny God has for us. About 4 weeks ago, Michael began classes at a tecnical college in our area. It may not sound too exciting to those standing afar, but to anyone that desires to hear the whole story, keep reading. 

In January, Michael was blindsided when he was told he was losing his job. After the initial surprise, we knew the Lord was up to something. We knew that it was no coincidence that Michael was without work for the 8^th time during our marriage. We knew that the Lord would be faithful to us the way He had been faithful to us all 7 of the other times. We knew we were in the center of His will, and He had us in the palm of His hand. I guess after walking a winding, hilly road so many times, it becomes so familiar that it just is not intimidating anymore. It’s awesome to think about how far the Lord has brought both of us since the first job loss.

So there we were, back to square one, wondering, “What’s next, Lord?” Panic never set in. Instead, Michael and I were both unbelievably hopeful. Not having a clue what the Lord wanted us to do next, we began seeking Him through prayer. The continual cry of our heart has been to know what His will is for our lives. We both have wanted desperately to do what He wants us to do. Sometimes it can be hard knowing exactly what God wants for us. We kept seeking His direction until we were certain we heard His voice.

Not too long after Michael lost his job, he shared with me that he had been thinking about our love for Africa, and our calling to go there some day. He had really been thinking about what we could do in Africa. What would be our purpose for going there? We had talked about this before, but this time I could see seriousness in Michael I had never seen. He asked me, “What are we going to do, just show up in Africa some day?” He continued saying that he believed there had to be a path that would lead us to the plans God has for us. He said he had been praying specifically that God would lead him to a field or a job that would eventually take us to Africa. He was praying for God to show him a real way to help the African people. I was touched that Michael had passionately embraced the vision that the Lord had first shown me. But neither of our minds could imagine what this would look like, or how we would end up in Africa. We tucked it in the back of our minds, and focused our prayers on asking the Lord to help us make it month to month without much of an income.

Several months went by, and as always the Lord provided for us beyond what we expected. He even threw in an over-the-top surprise, and blessed my socks off! That’s a story I’ll save for another day. By April, Michael was beginning to feel weary of living with the uncertainty. He had been without permanent, full-time work for nearly 3 months, with no sign of anything that seemed promising. He had found temporary part-time work, but there were no guarantees for how long this would last. In February, I had taken on a weekend job and an additional part-time job during the week, but our income was still about 50% of what it had been before Michael lost his job.

The job losses have been hard on the whole family. But for Michael, as the man, it has been much more difficult. He has taken a lot of knocks during the past 23 years. He has shared with me how hard it is for a man to be without a job. So much of a man’s worth can be wrapped up in what He does for a living. It has been a hard battle for him, especially since his wealthy father is such a huge success in the world’s eyes. In my eyes, Michael has found true success. I am proud of the man he has become through the adversity. He is a real man – a man after God’s heart.

In late April, during a quick stop at the store, I saw a couple we had known from years earlier. The woman had been my daughter’s assistant-teacher in the first grade. We stood there near the produce section catching up on our lives. I shared with them about Michael’s job loss. Our conversation led to the man sharing about a wonderful program, Workforce Investment Act (WIA). The program had provided a way for him to go back to school. He happily shared how his schooling had helped him find work. He wrote down all the information for the WIA Program on the back of their grocery list, and he encouraged me to go home and share the information with Michael.  So I did.

I can still envision the look on Michael’s face, when I handed him the scribbled-on paper, and began telling him about WIA. His downtrodden face lit up, and I saw passion spark up in him. He exclaimed, “This is the program I read about on the Internet!” He shared how he had been interested in the program, but had never moved forward with it. Right before my very eyes, Michael’s demeanor changed from weariness to an enthusiastic HOPEFULNESS that I hadn’t seen in him for a while. It was so obvious that God was doing something big. It was great! The next morning he was in the Workforce Investment Act office, and the ball began rolling. The woman he spoke with explained that he had to have a plan, a proposed idea of what degree he was seeking to earn. He had been rolling around one idea in his head for quite a while. There was something in him that was drawn to a field called, ‘Biomedical Engineering Technology,’ which focuses on managing and supporting the manufacture and use of sophisticated medical devices (such as imaging equipment) – and  technology in patient care. Before WIA would invest in Michael’s education, they had to know he was serious, and that he knew what he was getting into.

Michael’s next step was to set up an appointment with the school he hoped to attend. Within a few weeks, he was sitting in the office of the head professor (director) of the Biomedical Engineering Technology Program at the technical school close to our home. Without Michael sharing anything about his personal life, faith, etc. - the professor shared  how he planned to prepare a group of students for traveling abroad to study, and to help people in great need by working on medical equipment in the hospitals of third world countries. I bet you can guess where, YES, you’ve got it…Africa! In response, Michael said, “That’s interesting, because my wife and I feel called to Africa.” Later that day, Michael excitedly talked about the details of the meeting. He said it was an amazing thing to be sitting there at that moment with a distinguished, older professor, talking about Africa as both of their eyes filled with tears. He knew the Spirit of God was there.

It is undeniable that the Lord is in the midst of the path we are on. I don’t know about others, but I don’t believe in coincidences. God knew that Michael would end up sitting in that office and hear the words that were spoken about Africa. There is not an ounce of doubt in our minds. From that moment on, there has been no stopping us! We are on a mission, and we are going where God is leading us no matter what.

So here we are a few weeks into the 1^st quarter of Michael’s schooling.  It’s been stretching him, to say the least. Try to imagine being a 46 year old man going back to school after 25 years. The majority of his classmates are 18 years old. In the midst of the challenges, he’s doing a phenomenal job. He made a 90 on his first Algebra test! I’m so excited, I cannot contain it. The road leading us to where we stand today has been long and hard. I have watched Michael persevere through so many trials, while keeping his integrity. To see him excited, to see him come alive after decades of struggles is sweeter than someone handing me a million dollars. I would love to have a bigger income. But nothing compares to what I’m watching God do in our lives. There is no amount of money that could replace the gold that I see Him giving us.

For the first time in my life, things are making complete sense to me. I can see why we’ve had to go through one trial after another. God knew we would have never had the faith to step out into the unknown without enduring some tests first. We truly don’t know how the Lord will provide all our needs while Michael attends school, and while we continue to home-school our son (3 days a week). We are taking it one step at a time, trying not to look too far ahead. We are being obedient to what the Lord is saying to do right now. I’m working the jobs He has asked me to work. Michael is working minimal hours, doing some temporary work on occasional days. From our standpoint, it doesn’t seem possible for us to stay afloat while Michael earns a degree. Because presently, we can’t see the ways God will sustain us.

Michael had an interview on Monday for a permanent, part-time job. It seemed to be a good fit, the right amount of hours to fit in with his school schedule. But is it from God? We’ll have to wait and see – wait for the Lord to reveal His plan for Michael. We’re moving forward, without seeing the full picture. This is what faith is. We are believing God has good plans for us, and not looking back at the disappointments of the past. As Christians, we either believe what the Bible says, or we don’t. We are choosing to believe. The Lord has shown us what He’s capable of already. He’s the One that has gotten us this far. Every penny of Michael’s tuition is being paid for by grants offered through the Workforce Investment Act. His books were a fraction of the cost they could have been, because he was able to buy them used. We are going where God is taking us. We’re not chickening out now! With God on our side, what is there to fear? There is nothing to fear, absolutely nothing! I can rest in my Father’s arms. What could be better than sitting on Daddy’s lap, listening to His heart, and watching a beautiful story unfolding?

Jeremiah 29:11 (The Message)

"I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." 

Lord, thank You for the great adventure you’re taking us on. Help us to continually keep our eyes on You. Help us to hear Your voice and help us to carefully take each step in the direction You are leading us. May our faith continue to grow, and may You use our lives as a testament of Your goodness. Amen.

Live Abundantly!

Amy

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