Living On The Edge

To love and to be loved are the two greatest things we can experience in this life…I heard these words spoken during a wedding toast recently. I have to agree. There is nothing that compares to the fulfillment of loving someone deeply and experiencing his or her love in return.

Yet, I am continually being challenged in my ability to love fully. Loving someone who continually shows me love is not a hard thing. The difficulty comes in loving those that don’t seem lovable. If we only show love to those who are kind and caring, then why do we need Christ? Throughout my life, the Lord has allowed unloving people to cross my path.  I believe He has wanted to teach me how to love the way He loves – with no bounds.

I don’t know about everyone else, but for me, my marriage is by far the most challenging when it comes to continually showing true Christ-like love. The Lord has a way of bringing together complete opposites; this is what He did in my life, with my husband and me. It’s kind of funny when I think about how totally opposite we are. My husband is an introvert - I am an extrovert.  He is a morning person – I am a night person. He is a reserved, more serious person – I am a free-spirited person. He is a ‘plan every detail’ kind of person - I am a ‘go with the flow’ kind of person. He is more of a spender – I am more of a saver. He is more laid back about housekeeping – I am the ‘wants everything in its place’ kind of person. The list goes on…I could go on listing more differences in our God-given personalities. And I didn’t even mention the natural differences there are in men and women. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about: The “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” thing. That’s a whole separate topic!

For better or for worse…There’s a reason we said these words in our marriage vows. Because when two people come together with completely opposite natures – there will be friction. There is no way to get around it. One time, I heard someone say that they would prefer to have a mate with a similar personality to theirs. Not me! It would be totally boring to spend the rest of my life with someone like myself. My husband was made for me - there is no doubt about it.

But knowing we were made for each other doesn’t keep us from being tested in our ability to truly love one another. The marriage relationship is the most powerful way to live out our Christianity. It is the perfect opportunity to live out our beliefs, and share Christ’s love with the person closest to us. As husband and wife, we are bonded like no other bond.  

There is no one on this earth that knows me more intimately than my husband, not even my mother and father. When the Lord began tearing down walls that were between my husband and me, a deep level of intimacy began growing. We began sharing our deepest fears, our hurts and our wildest dreams with each other. We laid out our most valuable treasures to share with the other, trusting that they would be delicately treated.

It has been a beautiful thing. But as the depth of our marriage has grown, so has the cost. Our ability to hurt each other is much greater now. When we were holding tightly onto the deepest parts of our souls, it was safer. There wasn’t so much at stake. Now my husband holds the most valuable part of me in his hand – my heart. I have given all of it to him, not small parts. He has it all. The only One who exceeds this bond is Christ. It is my bond with Christ that has allowed me to open my heart fully to my husband.  Without Christ’s love, I would have to keep my heart guarded and protected, living in mediocrity. I did this for many years. I lived and loved half-heartedly. I was too busy trying to protect myself from hurt to really love the way I know Christ intends for me to. The cost was too high for me. I knew that if I dared to love as Christ loves, I could end up getting hurt. So I didn’t take many risks.

Things started changing when I allowed Christ to begin healing the wounded places in my heart. As He healed each wound, a piece of the protective shield that surrounded my heart began breaking away. I began opening myself to my husband in ways I never had before. I began sharing every part of my heart with him – not holding back anything, letting him see my bare soul.  I remember consciously making a decision a few years ago to love hard no matter what the cost. It hasn’t been as easy as I thought it was going to be. My unguarded heart is vulnerable and when hurt is inflicted, it can go deep. Loving hard, loving fully means hurting sometimes. That’s part of it.

The marriage relationship is the place that love is tested the most. The closeness in the relationship forces us to face our differences. The only other option is to grow apart, living together in the same house. What’s the point in that? We didn’t get married to be roommates. We want to be lovers and best friends.

Recently, I was in the midst of a test in my ability to love my husband fully. My feelings had been hurt, and I was having a hard time letting it go. I just kept thinking, “I have a right to feel this way.” My flesh was demanding its way. I wanted my husband to come to me and make it right. Instead of loving fully, I allowed a wall to go up between us. Those protective barriers were creeping back. I had an option, I could either keep waiting on him to come and make it right, or I could let go of my hurt and be the initiator of the reconciliation. It’s so much easier to wait, let him come to me, and let him admit his wrong. It feels better that way.

After contemplating my choices for a while, I ended up in my secluded place with the Lord, praying these words: Lord Jesus, what would You do in the situation I am in? He immediately answered: “LOVE - expecting NOTHING in return.” It hit me like a ton of bricks!  My mind was bombarded with thoughts: “How can I do this, everything in me wants something in return.” The Lord flooded out my thoughts with this Bible verse: “I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13). He continued speaking to my heart. He was nudging me to go read 1 Corinthians 13. I knew this chapter well. Our pastor read it at our wedding. I had read it dozens of times throughout my life. I sensed the Lord saying to read it in the Living Bible translation. I went into our office, pulled my old Bible off the bookshelf, and began reading these words:

Love is very patient, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love DOES NOT demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will HARDLY EVER NOTICE when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.

By the time I got to the end, I was weeping in repentance. I asked the Lord to forgive me for the mistake I had made.  I had gotten so caught up in what wrong had been inflicted on me that it was all I could see. Letting go hurts. Loving someone regardless of the hurt that may have been imposed is hard. It means I have to die to my desires to be heard - die to my desires to be understood. It means putting others’ feelings before mine. Mother Teresa knew how to love. She understood that sometimes loving hurts. She once said: “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

Since that night when the Lord spoke boldly to me about love, I have stayed focused on the words in Corinthians 13. I have read it over and over. I have prayed for the Lord to continually allow me to be an instrument of His unconditional love. I want to love with no bounds, take every risk possible, and love at all costs. The awards are amazing. The irony I see in all of this is that when I hold back and don’t love fully, I am sabotaging my chances for the deep connection my spirit is craving. I get caught up in the belief that holding back will protect me from hurt. Actually, when I hold back I am hurting myself more. I miss out on the really good stuff. When I dive in, loving my husband as hard as I possibly can - the desires of my heart are fulfilled. Each time I take a risk, it hurts at the moment to deny my own needs, but in the long run my marriage is blessed beyond measure; the romantic love returns, the passion comes alive, and our relationship flourishes.

God made no mistake when he chose my husband for me. He knew my weaknesses needed to be my husband’s strengths, and that my strengths needed to be his weaknesses. We need each other. This is what oneness is about (Genesis 2:24). It is a process of learning, and taking a lifetime to learn to love. It’s amazing – this thing called love. There is no greater power than the power of love. It’s worth the risk. It’s worth the tears. It’s worth diving in as deep as you can go…because no matter what - Love Never Fails!

1 Corinthians 13:8

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge; it will pass away. NIV

Lord, thank you for allowing me to experience the power of love! Thank you for the deep love my husband and I share. I pray that our love will continue to deepen and grow beyond anything we can imagine. May our lives together be a beautiful example of Your love. Amen.

Live Abundantly!

~Amy

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