Living On The Edge...Loving Relentlessly

The injustices of life, the words and actions of others, what others thought of me – these were the things that held me captive for many years...not anymore. Christ’s love has set me free.

I have found the purpose of life. I have discovered that this journey on Earth is a beautiful time for seeking out opportunities to share Christ’s love.

The Lord is expressing His message of love to my heart more than ever before. It seems to be consuming my mind. God has quests for me to conquer everyday.

I’m making progress in my ability to love better only because of God’s Spirit. If it were left up to my strength I would be a hard-hearted woman, living with my heart encased by an imaginary brick wall about 10 feet thick. But by His Spirit I am being led and shown how to love.

In the past I have struggled with loving those who have hurt me for fear of being hurt worse. But I have found that where there is love there can be no more hurt.

A typical scenario of my past would be letting the words or actions of another wound me, then I would run to God in my hurtful state, and beg Him to help me to forgive the offender. My prayer would be something like this: “Lord, I feel so hurt, so wounded. Why does this person keep hurting me? Please, Lord, please let this hurt go away.”  I have done this too many times in my life to count.

My motive seemed to be innocent and admirable. But I am learning that in many ways this prayer was self-centered. It was all about me and my need to be loved.

While meditating on God's word and thinking of how He wants us, as Christians, to display His love. I was telling Him how hard it is to love unkind people. This is what He said to me:

"Amy, think of the people in your life that you love the most, the ones that honor you the most, the ones that show you the most love and respect. Remember how you show them love by sending cards, giving gifts, giving flowers and lavishing them with loving, kind words. Now, think of the meanest people in your life, the ones that don't honor or respect you, those that treat you the worst. I want you to treat the meanest, most unkind people the same way you treat the people that love you the best. I want you to lavish the disrespectful, unkind people with love, encouragement, and I want you to honor them as much as you honor the kind people."

At first, I was thinking, “Oh my! That is quite a request.” But my final response to God was..."WOW, I will do this, I know I CAN with Your help!"

Immediately the words of Matthew came flooding into my heart:

Matthew 5:44 – “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you…”

The amazing thing about God’s love is that it causes darkness to be illuminated. My flesh tells me that if I love those who hurt me that I am giving them a license to hurt me more. But the reality is quite the opposite. God’s love actually causes unkindness to dissipate. 

Love breeds love.

When we respond to hatred with love – this is when we see God at work the most.

The Lord is showing me that He needs me to display His love to hurting people. How will hurting people know the love of God unless His people freely display it?

God is shouting this message to my heart: He wants for me to love relentlessly…leaving fear behind.

My greatest need, the need to be loved is being met by the Creator of the Universe. This means that through Him I can love others first. I don’t have to wait for an apology from those that treat me unkindly. I can love the way Christ loves – with no strings attached, loving simply because God’s Spirit is flowing out of me. This is true freedom.

I don’t have to be in despair when someone is unkind to me. Instead, I am able to look at it as an opportunity to display the love of Christ.  I am free now to love God with all my heart, soul, and strength…and as I do this I will be able to love my neighbor as myself.

I am a new woman. My new prayer is:

Lord, pour Your love into my heart, help those who are hurting to be drawn to You through Your love that is displayed in me. Amen.

As a little girl, God placed a message in my heart. I was drawn to His two greatest commandments stated in Matthew 22:37-39: "...Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself."

Even as a little child I understood that there is nothing more important than love. But knowing the greatest commandments and living them out are two different things. It has taken me half a lifetime to allow these commandments to take hold of my heart.

During the past decade, God has been removing the idols in my life so that I could love Him with all my heart. And it has been through learning to love Him with my whole heart that I have been able to learn to love myself.

Loving my self is one of the keys to loving my neighbor well. After all, the Bible clearly tells me to Love my neighbor as myself. How can I love others well, if I don't love myself? Ultimately, I am able to love others to the level I have loved and accepted my own self. As I accept myself for the uncondtionally loved daughter of God that I am, I am able to accept and unconditionally love others in the same way my Father loves me.

During my meditations the Lord has made it clear to me that my main focus should be on His love. He wants for me to stay focused on His two greatest commandments for the rest of my journey on this earth. I will obey. I will spend the rest of my life shouting to the world about the treasures I’ve found in God, living out the love of God through my words and actions. He is love and He wants the world to know that.

With the clear focus I now have for my life, I have decided to add ..."Loving Relentlessly" to the title of my blog. I have a feeling that a large portion of my writings will be about love. I will always live my life on the edge--that won't ever change. But I see now that an integral part of living dangerously on the edge happens to be: Loving relentlessly!

I am becoming my mother, and my daughter is becoming me.  As many times as I’ve heard the old saying, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” ...I never really saw the real truth in this until recently.

I have always wanted to be like my mother for as long as I can remember. She is the epitome of “Beauty” in every sense of the word. When I was a little girl everyone told me I looked like my father. I liked being told that I looked like my daddy. But deep in my soul, I wanted to hear that I looked like my mother. Her stunning, physical beauty was something I admired about her. Her radiant glow was something I desired to have. I remember the day that someone first told me I looked like my mother. I was about 30 years old. I was visiting the town where my mother grew up. In a restaurant a man approached me, saying he knew who I was only because I looked just like his high school friend, Nancy (my mother). From that day on, people began telling me I looked like my mother. I gleamed as I realized the beauty my mother possessed had blossomed out of me. And I realized that her outward beauty was magnified by the deep beauty within her soul.

Anyone who knows my mother, knows why I have always wanted to be like her. During the hardest of seasons, my mother was the wind beneath my wings. She taught me the most valuable lessons of my life. Today, I am remembering the years after my dad divorced my mother and how we were left with barely enough money to make ends meet. I truly believe it is what I witnessed during those years that made me the woman I am today. What stands out in my mind the most is how my mom depended on God. I saw a hurting woman turn to Jesus for her every need. She was a young, beautiful woman. She could easily have turned to other men in her desperation. But I watched her closely as she sought God. Most importantly, I watched how a woman’s passionate love for God could make a bad situation turn into something good.

My mother was the first person I ever saw fall deeply in love with God. Since she no longer had a husband, she depended on God for everything. I can still picture my mom sitting with her Bible. She was always seeking to know God better. Her life was a true testament of the goodness of God. Her love for God was evident by the fruit in her life. I saw the fruit of the Spirit lived before me in my own house. I saw a woman giving sacrificially, like no other person in my life. One time, she literally gave away the jacket on her back. It was her favorite jacket, one she wore all the time. She gave it to a young teenage girl because the Lord had asked her to. In that moment, I remember thinking, “I want to be like my Mama.”

I also give my mother credit for exemplifying that following Christ can be a great adventure! Shortly after my dad left, my mom bought a special ring. She beamed as she would share the story about it. It was a ring that told the story of her heart – the story of the adventure that God had swept her up into. From the side, the ring looked like a roller coaster, symbolizing the excitement of following God. From the top, it looked like a music note, symbolizing the beauty God was creating in her life. She wore the ring as a symbol of her commitment to God, and His commitment to her…it was the first time I saw how God personalizes our ties to Him.

In a nutshell, the way my mother reacted to the pain in her life was teaching me a life lesson that would stay with me forever. I learned from my mother to see the best in everything. I learned from my mother how to be an over-comer, how to live life to the fullest in the midst of suffering. I learned from my mother how to see God in every situation, how He rescues us in times of need. I learned from my mother to give from the heart, how to give until there’s nothing left to give.

Most important of all, I learned from my mother how to be a good mother. My daughter’s heart is living proof of this. Several weeks ago, my daughter, Christa, sent me a paper she had written for her Religion class at college. She asked me to help her proofread it. I began reading it, and within the first paragraph the tears began to flow. For the first time I realized the lessons I had learned from my mother, the message of my soul, had taken root in Christa’s young heart. It’s hard to describe what reading my daughter’s words did for me as a mother. Every desire of my heart as a mother was fulfilled in the moments of reading her college paper. I could have never dreamed that my nineteen year old daughter had grasped onto wisdom that had taken me close to 30 years to latch onto. The life message God has placed in me – the message of hope and love, of living life to the fullest has been instilled in my daughter’s heart. She gets it and she’s only 19 years old. My heart is overflowing with joy and relief to know my first-born child, my daughter has found the key to a well-lived life. A mother couldn't ask for more!

Christa was given an assignment to watch a video called, “Teenage Affluenza is spreading fast.” Then she was asked to write a paper describing her thoughts of the video. See my link section to watch the video.

Below is the rough draft of her paper:

Throughout my life, my family has never had an exuberate amount. We have always struggled financially, and I never have felt the financial security that many of my friends have experienced. My house is around twenty years old, my family never had the extra money for entertainment purposes, when I got older I had to buy my own clothes, I watched our refrigerator go empty for days, my car had no air conditioning and I always saw the worst of things. I could never see the best in anything and it was something I struggled with and still struggle with until this day. My hero, my role model, my mother always told me to see the best in everything, more specifically: “Things could be worse”. But as I grew up stubborn, I could not understand this concept. Like a typical American teenager, the superficial was more important to me than the life I had, the life I was given to live. This satirical video shows us the meaning of living. We live our life in a routine: sleep, eat, school, homework, work, eat, and sleep. But I always used to question, what more do we have to live for?

We see three different underlying aspects of this video. First, we see that we always need to be thankful for what we have. So much of this world is so spoiled that we never see the pain that so many people go through in third-world countries and even in our own cities. Second, we need to live for more. As said before, this life is more than just a day to day routine. Proverbs 1:22 says: “How long will you simple ones love simplicity, you scoffers be eager to scoff, you dullards hate knowledge?” This verse shows us that we need to live for more than just what is in front of us; the simple life is not what we are supposed to be pursuing. We see all throughout the Hebrew Bible that we need to pursue a Holy life for Jesus. Third, we need to live a life with a servant’s heart. Exodus 23:25 says, “You shall serve the Lord your God…” I believe this video shows us we need to do more than just play video games or watch television: we need to give to other people until there is nothing left to give.

Since the eleventh grade, when I got involved with my youth group, my view began to change of the world. I no longer just wanted to live life for fun, I wanted to make a difference – change what I see corrupted in our society. Gandhi once said, “You must be the change in the world you wish to see” and this video simply implies this message in its five minutes of time. I know that from videos like these, from news reports, and from reading about the suffering that happens all over the world, it makes me want to learn to be more appreciative of everything I have. Psalm 107:8 says, “Let them praise the Lord for his steadfast love, His wondrous deeds for mankind”. We can see the Hands of God in anything and everything and this is when we need to spread love, give thanks, and live life to the fullest. Isaiah 58 embeds the true idea of this video as well. Isaiah 58:7 says, “It is to share your bread with the hungry, and to take the wretched poor into your home; when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to ignore your own kin”. The wisdom from this verse shows us we need to give to our own brothers and sisters in Christ and that we are meant to live for so much more. This video says to me that we need to give more of our lives to others, and this action will be able to show Christ’s true love.

 Ezekiel 16:44 (NIV)

Everyone who quotes proverbs will quote this proverb about you: "Like Mother, like daughter."

Twenty-four years ago, I walked down the aisle of my church and made a vow to love my husband, Michael, until death. On that day in 1985, we promised to love, honor, and cherish one another. What a ride it has been.

When I chose to marry Michael, I never could have dreamed of how our love would grow. I really had no concept of what it means to truly love. We had an intense passion for each other, but neither of us understood the full extent of what our vows meant. Who really fully understands the meaning of love while standing at the altar, entering into Holy Matrimony?

Today, as I celebrate our marriage, my heart is filled with awe and wonder for our future together. It’s as though we are standing at the threshold again. It feels as though this is really just the beginning for us…because it’s taken us the past 24 years to learn to truly love. We are still learning.

There’s a song I want to dedicate to Michael today. I know he will remember the song well. We heard the song shortly after we decided to get married. It was one of  "Our special songs." The song described perfectly how we felt toward one another. We knew we wanted to grow old together and continually be getting to know each other. We knew it would take a lifetime.

Michael, I would do it all over again…for all we have come to know and for all that lies ahead.

You are my best friend, my lifetime partner -- the one God created for me.

I love you with all my heart,

Amy

P.S. Can you believe it? We've made it 24 years!! The song still makes me cry.

Oops...I can't seem to get the video (song) embedded into my post (I added the video to my link section).

April Fool's Day has always been one of my favorite days of the year. I love to play fun jokes on my friends and family. I love to laugh. And some of my jokes have been hilarious over the years. When I woke up this morning the last thing on my mind was playing an April Fool's joke. I had other things on my mind. I was pumped and excited about the day a head of me. On Monday I had set up an appointment with a potential client for my job. I sell advertisement for a company called "New Beginnings."

As I was getting ready for work, listening to my worship music, I was delighting in the Lord. The lyrics of the song playing went something like this: "Jesus, Your love is Incredible and it's glorious, wonderful..." My spirit was dancing, my heart was happy. I was feeling such certainty of my Jesus and His love for me. So I boldly prayed these words, "Lord, I want to see a miracle today...I'm expecting a miracle." I was dead serious and I know Jesus knew I was. So I finished styling my hair and I was on my way.

A few hours later I was relishing in the fact that the potential client (a Chiropractic Clinic) I had my appointment with had signed up with my company. First, I must clarify that this was not THE miracle I had prayed about this morning. My heart was rejoicing, but God had something better planned for my day. It was definitely an amazing thing that I had gotten a client on the spot. This is almost unheard of in sales, especially with advertisement. I can't begin to describe how much red tape has to be cut through to get a new client on board. Just getting a client is a HUGE thing! I started this job on December 8th and signed my first client on March 7th. I had met with my 1st client on my first day of work in December, 3 months before he signed up. It took that long! Today at the Chiropractic Clinic it was apparent that God had gone before me and prepared the way. I had already accepted the fact that if I was going to continue this job that the only way I would do well is to have Him lead the way.

Shortly after leaving my appointment and picking my son up from a friend's house, I noticed I had a voice mail. I was driving down the road listening to the message (I know I should not have been driving with a cell phone in my hand). When I heard who it was I had to pull over and park in a subdivision. It was a message from THE premier restaurant group in the Atlanta area. This company owns 11 upscale restaurants in the area. Anyone that lives in Atlanta knows about these restaurants. I was stunned.

On a whim I had called the restaurant group Monday and left a voice mail about the advertising services my company offers. I honestly did not expect a call back. I figured I had nothing to lose by making the call. The worse thing that could happen was that I wouldn't get a call back. I was already used to not getting return calls. I have had very few returned calls since I started almost 4 months ago. I can't tell you how many times I've felt like throwing in the towel since I started this job. It seemed pointless to keep working so hard at something and not get paid. I am paid on a commission basis for my sales.

I had a really hard time believing that I would do well selling advertising especially with a weak economy. But God kept insisting that I keep working at it. Every time I went to Him with my discouraged heart He would say loud and clear: "TRUST ME." On the other side of my head I could hear: "What's the point?" "You're wasting your time." "You're never going to succeed at this." But God's voice was louder. He was repeatedly saying to TRUST Him. I don't know if others experience battles quite as dramatic as this. But I was in a FIERCE battle for about 2 months. It was intense. I kept pressing into what God was telling me to do. Finally, I gave in to God. I meditated on Philippians 4, verses 6 and 7 and I stopped worrying. I resolved in my spirit that I was on the path He wanted me to be on and no matter how bad the outward circumstances were I would NOT GIVE UP.

The call I received today from such a HUGE, elite company was God's way of making a statement to me. I said to God in a childlike voice, “You would!” In other words, I was saying to Him, “You would choose the best, most elite company for me because that’s Your character – it always has been. As I began letting it sink in, I was squealing. I was jumping up and down when I got to my house.. My son said: "Mom, you're acting like a kid." I agree, I was acting like a kid! My Daddy had done something better than remarkable for me because I had listened and obeyed. He wanted to show me that He CAN do this for me. He will give me favor. I returned the call and found out that the man with the restaurant group that had called is on a trip from March 31st to April 7th. He had actually called while he was out of town. I can't express how big this is for me.

I have no idea where this will lead. It potentially could be my best client. But none of that matters to me. What matters is that my Dear Lord showed me that He has His hand on my life. And as long as I trust Him – as long as I follow where He takes me – He will come through for me. This was my miracle. It was a miracle because I saw the God of the Universe entering into my everyday life. That's an awesome miracle!

Isaiah 45:2 (WEB)

I will go before you, and make the rough places smooth. I will break the doors of brass in pieces, and cut apart the bars of iron.

The rain was gently and slowly coming down. I could hear the pitter-patter on the roof over my head as I knelt down before the Lord. I was quiet and still. There was no sound around me - only the gentle, soothing sound of the raindrops. It reminded me of the softness of Christ's Spirit, His soothing love and gentleness.

I asked the Lord to pour out His Spirit all over me like rain. He did. A soft, gentle love came rushing over me. I was frozen in the moment. His Spirit was holding me tight. I knew He was there with me. Suddenly I knew the vastness of His Being. I realized how small I am in His presence. I am nothing without Him. He is everything to me in this dark world.

Tears came over me as I thought about the many times I have bowed before Him with selfish motives. Many times I had made it about me. This was very different. It was all about Him, His power, and His strength. His love and strength consumed me. I understood better what it means to die to my self. In those moments, my needs were far from my thoughts. I was in the midst of the Famous One. I was in AWE. I was overcome. I wanted time to stop. I didn't want to move. In His presence, I was speechless.

In the early eighties I was a 15 year old girl grieving the divorce of my parents. My mom had recently remarried and moved away to another state. She had wanted me to move away with her. But I thought being away from my friends would be far too difficult. So I made the decision to stay in my home town and live with my dad and step-mom. It was a terribly painful time for me.

It was during this time that I first learned how to fall on my face before God. I can remember being so grief stricken that all I could do was lie on the floor, with my face in my hands and let God’s Spirit comfort me. I had a deep, oozing wound in my heart and Jesus was the only One who had the salve to heal it. For a season I let His love be the healing ointment for my wound.

I vividly remember the Christian music I listened to as I cried and shared my hurt with the One who brought me comfort. A favorite song to play during those stolen moments with Christ was Amy Grant’s song, “El Shaddai.” In my distress, I would fall down and worship the Lord. No one had ever taught me this. I believe it was my instinct to fall before God when I needed help and comfort.

It is an innate quality that every child of God has deep within them to call out to Him in desperate times. It was through these times of solitude that I first began experiencing the love of Christ. I felt His presence. It was beautiful. I felt His amazing love…He was my first LOVE.

As a child it is so much easier to admit weakness and fall before God in desperation. There’s something that happens as we grow older. Our hearts change, our way of thinking changes. It becomes harder and harder to enter into the place of total submission to God. We begin seeking out other ways to find comfort. This is what happened to me.

By the time I was 17 years old I was going to the ‘Secret Place’ with God less and less. I had found a steady boyfriend. I had friends that kept me occupied with constant entertainment. I began experimenting with alcohol. The alcohol was a very short-lived thing in my life. I was mature enough to realize that it was going to lead me down the wrong road. I made the decision not to drink anymore the summer after I graduated from high school.

Two weeks after I stopped drinking with my friends, I met Michael, the man who would become my husband. We quickly fell deeply and passionately in love. I said my vows of marriage at the age of 19 years old. My heart was growing less and less needful of those moments of solitude with Christ. I settled comfortably into my marriage, and lived a contented life during the next 5 years.

Michael and I became very involved in our church. We were actually the youth leaders of our church in our early twenties. We dove into everything. I was involved in Bible study groups. I regularly read and memorized scriptures. I prayed. My husband and I made the decision before marriage to tithe. We knew that it was the right thing to do. We were going through all the Christian motions. From all standpoints, we were “Doing” everything right as a young Christian couple. Something was missing though. On the outside everything looked marvelous. But on the inside I was a hurting young girl that needed the healing salve of Jesus.

Looking back, it’s hard to understand how a young teen could have walked away from the Beauty I had found in my private moments with God. But I must remember that at the age of 15, I was in a desperate place. My wound was fresh and open – I was in NEED of Christ.

What happened next in my life I believe was a conspiracy of God to win my heart back. By the time I was in my mid twenties things were not going so well.  My life had plummeted. The difficulties in my life escalated, and by 1997 I hit rock bottom. I was battling a bad case of postpartum depression. I was in desperate need of Christ.

I began falling on my face before God again. I have journals that tell much of my story. I cannot remember the exact time I began regularly returning to the ‘Secret Place’ with Christ. I do remember when fruit came forth as a result of my intimate meetings with Him. And I remember the scripture He led me to that gave me HOPE...Psalm 46:10 - "Be still and know that I am God..."

By the end of 1997 my life had begun turning around (inwardly). Now things were the complete opposite of what they were in the beginning of my marriage. My life had flip-flopped. Everything on the outside was a mess, but on the inside it was marvelous. I had found solace in Christ in the midst of the horrible trials in my life. The hardest seasons of my life simultaneously became the most joyous seasons of my life.

The next step of my journey is what led me to where I’m at now. The Lord began answering many of my heart’s desires. My marriage was renewed after a time of separation. The outward things in my life began turning around. When things began turning around I found that it wasn’t as easy to hide away with God.

I entered into a transitional season of my life. Next, the Lord began teaching me how to fall before Him even when I am not feeling wounded and sorrowful. It’s not been an easy transition for me. My pain and sorrow had always been the catalyst for pushing me into the arms of Christ. I don’t feel wounded anymore or feel sorrowful very often. I expect there to be times of sorrow throughout my life. It’s part of life. But how does a person transition from falling before God out of feelings of desperation to falling before Him out of total reverence and submission? He’s teaching me this.

During the past 21 days while I have been sitting in silent submission to God, I have learned to empty out my thoughts, enabling Christ to pray through me. His Spirit comes in and intercedes through my heart and mind. This is true prayer. It has been so powerful to see the Holy Spirit guide me in my prayer.

I have felt drawn to prayer for many years. Out of desperation I have turned to prayer. In 1997 when my life seemed to be falling apart, we began a family prayer time. We never stopped. We pray together as a family every single night. It’s so much a part of our lives. It’s so natural that it’s like eating a meal. God has used the prayer time in our lives in a beautiful way. But it does not compare to my time of solitude. There is something words cannot explain about a man or woman going before the God of the Universe in reverence.

I believe I am called to pray. The Lord has put certain people on my heart to intercede for that I have been praying for regularly for years. I receive many e-mails from people sharing their prayer needs. When asked to pray for the needs of a large number of people it can be so easy to fall into a way of prayer that is robotic, sitting with my list - systematically calling out each need one by one. I have done this at times in my life. God honors our prayers no matter how systematic they may be. He sees our hearts. But what He most desires is for us to enter into this place of intimacy with Him that has nothing to do with requests. He longs for us to just BE STILL with Him.

True prayer is not about us asking for things. It’s about letting God’s Spirit enter our hearts, sharing our hearts, and LISTENING to His. As I bow before God without any lists the Holy Spirit whispers softly to me. His Spirit tells me what and who to pray for. This 40 day Lent commitment has turned into a lifetime desire. I am hooked! I want to pray this way everyday forever. It has done something powerful in my heart. It’s like God has taken me back to that 15 year old girl on the floor of her room crying out to God in total submission and reverence. He has rekindled the flame I had. When I would sit still with Him I rarely had words. I just wanted to BE in His presence. He is restoring me back to that innocent girl – one that TRUSTS with ALL her heart, one who is whole and FULLY dependent on her Creator. I have returned to the place I was meant to be. I have returned to my First Love.

Just a few weeks ago I was telling my dad about a prayer I had written when I was twenty years old…where I had asked God to make me become as dependent on Him as an infant is to her mother. I told my father that the Lord has been faithfully answering that prayer during the past 23 years. I had no idea what I was asking for when I wrote that prayer.

My words made my dad think of something a Messianic Jew had shared with him one time. He mentioned the words, El Shaddai and told me that “Shad” is the literal Hebrew translation for the breast of a nursing mother – a word symbolizing that God is our nurturer and provider.

Tears came to my eyes and my spirit leapt. I began telling my dad the special meaning of Amy Grant’s song, “El Shaddai.” I never knew the significance of that song until that moment. God knew all a long. He knew as I listened to the song in those tender moments of my teen years, where He was leading me to…a place of total dependence.

I found a video online of the song, “El Shaddai.” I hadn’t listened to the song in years and years. I listened to it tonight and the same emotions I had as a 15 year old came rushing over me. I cupped my hands over my face and wept. I realized some things never change. Nothing compares to the love of JESUS... and the way to His love is PRAYER!

Matthew 6:5-6 (NIV)

And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Ephesians 6:18 (NIV)

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests…

Lord,

May the body of believers in this country have a yearning desire to PRAY and be still with you more than ever before. Our nation is desperate for you – I pray that we would be a people that would return to You, our First Love. Let Your Glory fall upon this nation. Amen.

Live Abundantly!

Amy

P.S. I have added to my link section a beautiful video of Amy Grant's song, "El Shaddai" that you may enjoy.

It was Sunday morning, 3 days before the beginning of Lent. As soon as I had awakened I knew what God was asking me to do. The night before, our pastor had preached a sermon about the Lenten season. As he preached I was wondering what the Lord would ask me to commit to during Lent of 2009. I was barely awake, still lying in bed and God dropped it in my spirit. He wanted me to set aside an allotted amount of time for solitude for the next 40 days. It may sound like a typical "quiet time" as some people call it. But this was different from anything I had ever done.

I have been journaling prayers, reading scriptures, praying silently (aloud in more recent years), spending time alone with God since I was a teen. God was asking me to add a new twist to my time with Him. He was asking me to sit in complete 'Stillness' with Him without a pen, a journal, or anything...just me and Him one on one.

I had been still with Him plenty of times before, but never quite in this manner. I was usually the one that did most of the talking. He wanted me to be still and listen. At first it seemed pretty simple. God was simply asking me to come into His presence, be still, pray for 10 minutes and LISTEN for 10 minutes. How hard could it be to sit still for 20 minutes a day?

I was so excited about my new venture with God that I decided to start a day early. The day before Ash Wednesday I began my time of solitude. It was special. As I prayed aloud for 10 minutes I felt the Lord all around me. His Spirit made me start to weep. I felt His Peace come into my soul. It was good. Then it was time to be quiet, be still, and just listen. Interestingly, nothing happened during my 10 minutes of listening. But throughout the day I could already see the amazing fruit of what I had begun with God. I felt an insurmountable amount of peace...every ounce of my being was at rest.

The next few days it was the same. My prayer time was special. A few days into my new time of solitude, I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to begin my prayer time by praying The Lord's Prayer. The praying (sharing) portion of my time of solitude progressively became more powerful. But the listening part was a different story. I found myself wanting to jump up as soon as the 10 minutes of speaking time was over. It was a struggle to keep my mind focused on God. It was hard to be still.

After a few days I rationalized with myself and decided that talking to God was the most important part of prayer. Some of the days when I had such a hard time remaining still and silent I would get up and save the listening part for later in the day.

The Lord knew my heart. He continued to bless me in my efforts to press into what He had asked of me...even though I had divided up the 20 minutes into 2 separate times. This was not what God had intended for me to do. He is patient though.

Day after day I anxiously met Christ in my prayer room. I greeted Him with an open heart, ready to receive. But when the receiving part began, my mind would begin to drift. And besides that, He was not saying anything to me. It was hard to sit there in complete silence and keep my mind from drifting off to the loads of laundry that needed to be tended to.

The past few days my prayer time has progressed even more. When I first began this 40 day venture I had decided to pray sitting down because the room I use for praying has a hard floor and it hurts my knees to kneel. But a soft pillow or blanket could solve that problem. I knew God wanted me on my knees, bowed down in submission, face down on the floor. This may seem pointless to some people. But there is awesome power in bowing in reverence before the Maker of the universe.

This morning I practically jumped out of bed, anxious to get into my prayer stance, and pray. I was made to pray. God created me for worship and prayer. I believe He created all of us to commune with Him. Our very nature is designed to communicate with Him...It's not hard at all for me to simply begin talking to God.

I began my prayer time, kneeling, praying The Lord's Prayer. I prayed a few sentences and then something happened. The Holy Spirit quieted me. It was like He gently placed His fingers over my lips and said shhhh...just listen child...just listen.

It was different than the days that I wanted to jump up and break the silence. My mind wandered once or twice away to my responsibilities for the day. But I refocused and came right back to the peaceful quiet. It took discipline to keep the thoughts of laundry out of my mind to allow Christ to fill the silence. I didn't budge for the entire 20 minutes. I'm so glad I didn't, because in this time of listening, God began pouring His love all over me. He spoke powerful words of love and mercy into my heart.

It is not rare for me to hear the voice of God. I often hear the Lord speaking to me, guiding me, but this kind of ‘Stillness’ was new and different for me. It was a form of discipline I've never tried....being still and silent in the mighty presence of God for a designated amount of time in total submission and reverence. After 18 days of sitting in silence with God, being obedient to what He had asked me to do, He flooded my heart with His beautiful words. They were just the words I needed to hear to keep me moving forward with FAITH, JOY, and PEACE.

After the time of solitude, I left the room and it all began making sense to me. Not only had God made it clear to me what TRUE prayer really is. But He dropped in my spirit a way to share with others this beautiful place I enter into with Christ - during my times of solitude. Through this act of discipline I discovered words to explain what I have found in God. Before all this happened I could not articulate my relationship with Christ very well. Today, I know how…

...To be continued

Mark 1:35 (NIV)

 …Jesus got up, left the house and went to a solitary place, where he prayed.

Lord,

Help me to pray like Jesus. May my time with you be about You…not me.Amen.

Live Abundantly!

Amy

God speaks in the silence of the heart. Listening is the beginning of prayer. ~ Mother Teresa

As I was listening to my worship music, focusing on the Lord, a sense of gratitude came rushing into my spirit. I realized how honored I am. To think that Christ would choose me to be His beloved daughter overwhelms my heart.

Christ chose me to walk the road of adversity. He chose me to lay down the things that steal LIFE from me. He chose me to lose my life so I could gain His. He chose me because He wanted to spill His love into my heart so that I could spill it onto others.

I was overcome with emotion as I felt the power of His love permeating my heart. The realization hit me: "He loves me so much that He died an agonizing death so that I could have LIFE. He loves me that much." It’s hard to comprehend the magnitude of Christ’s gift to mankind.

I slowed down long enough to soak in the strong sense of gratitude I was experiencing. I was remembering where I was only 12 years ago and thinking about the unbelievable work Christ has done in my life. It’s absolutely mind boggling! It makes me want to drop all my plans for the day, leave my agenda behind, fall at His feet and worship Him. The picture that comes to my head is of Mary pouring perfume on His feet and sitting for hours in His presence.

My grateful heart longs to be in His presence. I realize what He has given me. He has been with me every step of a rocky road. He held me close during the dark nights when sorrow was all around me. He was there when I felt like giving up. He was there holding my heart in His hand when I didn’t feel like I could carry on. He was there all along carrying me, holding me close.

I am honored that Christ chose me to endure the many trials I’ve faced during the past 20 years. I am honored because I know I would not be the woman of God I am today without them. I would not know His great love without them. I would not be experiencing the tenderness of His mercy without them. I would not feel ALIVE without them. I would not be contented, peaceful, and hopeful without them.

I am honored that He loved me enough to bring me through the sorrow to a place where FAITH abides. He knew all along that the road He was taking me on was leading me to an abundant life. He knew my heart needed to be refined and purified. He knew that His light would one day illuminate all darkness, and He would prevail in my life!

No matter what you’re going through – embrace the TRUTH, embrace Christ! He loves you with an everlasting love. No matter what amount of darkness is around you at this moment, Christ will prevail! He IS carrying you. He will give you LIFE. Listen to the voice of TRUTH. Let go of hopelessness and step into the place of honor He has called you to. I am honored…all Christians are honored to be the beloved heirs of The King!

Romans 8: 16-17 (NIV)

V. 16: The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 

V. 17: Now if we are children, then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Lord, tears flood my eyes as I think about what You have accomplished in my life. I am honored that You chose me to walk this path with you. I am honored to share in Your sufferings. I love You with all my heart, and pray that You will be glorified greatly in my life. Amen.

Live Abundantly!

Amy

So why is it such a battle sometimes to steal away with the Lord? It seems that distractions draw my attention away from what I know fills me with LIFE. The computer, e-mails, telephones are all continually calling out to me: ‘Come for rest and comfort’. But none of these things offer anything other than a temporary fix for my desperate need of Christ. The bottom line is this: The empty places in my heart can only be filled by Him.

I have been told by others that I am a people-person. In other words, I am an extrovert. One of the defining features of an extrovert is the love of being around people. Ultimately, extroverts find refreshment and rejuvenation by spending time with others.  My biggest temptation as a daughter of the King has been to rely on people for things that were meant only for God to fulfill.

Being with people is necessary to live a fulfilled life.  We need the love and support of others. But people cannot quench the insatiable thirst for love. In fact, nothing can quench our thirst except for the Giver of Life Himself…Christ Jesus. So how do we live this out and find balance to live a satisfied life?

The only way to have the LIFE we desire is to place God in the position He deserves. This is not religion or a set of rules. This is a true desire to commune with God, to feel Him, to hear His voice. There is nothing greater we can experience in this life than to enjoy God. So how do we enjoy God? Just like any close relationship, we have to nurture our covenant with God.

My marriage is by far the most important relationship I have with another human. No other relationship on earth comes close to the intimacy I share with my husband, Michael. How did our intimacy grow? It has grown from spending quality time together. Michael and I spend a significant amount of time together with our 11 year old son and with our 19 year old daughter when she's home from college. We have a lot of fun together as a family. But the way our relationship grows the most is by spending time alone.

It is amazing when we have a few hours alone to talk, to share our hearts, to totally focus on each other with no distractions. And when we have a retreat or a weekend alone together it is absolutely, over the top amazing. Those are the times the relationship grows the most. We are amazed that we continually learn new things about each other. We fall deeper in love each time we make our relationship a high priority.

How can we expect to know Christ more intimately without drawing away with Him?  I have had more peace in my life lately than I have had in a long time. I know it’s because I am resisting the temptation to give into the distractions. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with using computers, telephones, etc...But I have to draw boundaries for myself and resist the urge to turn to these kinds of things when I feel empty or weary. I have been going straight to the source of Life, letting Him quench my thirst.

I continually long for more of Jesus. As I tap into the Living Water the more satisfied I become.  Most of all, as I enjoy God I am more able to enjoy people, and not look to them for the refreshment I desire. Enjoying God, bowing before Him in reverence, with a humble heart enables Him to fill me with His LOVE. Then I am able to pour out an abundance of AGAPE love onto others…without expecting anything in return!

John 4:14 (NIV)

But whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.

Isaiah 44:3-4 (NIV)

V. 3 - For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants.

V. 4 - They will spring up like grass in a meadow, like poplar trees by flowing streams.

Dear Lord,

Thank You for quenching my thirst in a dry and barren land. Help me not to be tempted to go to other wells for the water I thirst for. Help me to continually drink of the water of Life. Amen.

May you enjoy God today!

Live Abundantly!

Amy

P.S. I have added a song called, "We Thirst For You" on my links section. This song is by one of my all-time favorite artists, Cece Winans. It is one of my favorite songs to listen to, dance and worship to, while drawing near to Christ. Enjoy!!

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