Living On The Edge...Loving Relentlessly

With tears rolling down my cheeks, I fall down at the feet of the Father, bowing down in a position of submission. As I lay my head on the floor with my cheek nestled on my hand, I cry out for the strength of my Daddy. I pray, “Father, the obstacles on the path laid out for me feel too big.” His warm embrace envelops my heart. His love washes over me. His Spirit soothes my soul. The sweetness of His Presence encircles every ounce of my being.

I hear Him saying:

“Child, nothing is too big for Me. I’ll never ask you to do more than I created you for. Rest in Me. Rest in My love, rest in knowing there is nothing I’ll ask of you that will ever be too big. My Grace is sufficient for you. In your weakness, My strength is made perfect. Arise my child. Let me put a new song in your heart. Let My love lift you up and carry you.”

His strength lifts my spirit. His words permeate my being. My soul is restored. Joy replaces the tears. Love floods into my heart. Peace covers me, making me ready to begin a new day with a new song in my heart—a song of joy for celebrating the love I have found in my Father’s arms.

Watching my husband, Michael, grow closer to the heart of God has been one of the greatest joys of my life. Michael has grown in faith, strength and experienced a true revelation of the Father's Love. In 8 months he will graduate from the Biomedical Engineering Program at a college near our home and then begin his journey of following God around the world to serve people in desperate need.

As a testimony of God's power to heal a man's heart, I would like to share one of my husband's college papers. In the summer of 2008, Michael wrote a paper for his Composition class. The day he wrote about in this paper will always be embedded in my memory...It was the day God showed me that He had undeniably changed my husband into a new man!

The Father's Love

By: Michael V.

Standing in the thick, humid Florida air, I could feel the buzz of anticipation from the participants. I had little drops of sweat easing down the middle of my back and off my forehead. My muscles were warm and my heart rate was slightly elevated from my warm-up and stretching. I could hear the roar of cheers coming from the onlookers, as the overly enthusiastic announcer would count down and release the next wave of swimmers. But to me it was muted, like the volume knob was turned down half way. A prayer came silently from inside of me, “Be with me today, Lord." I was standing on the shore of Lake Minneola in Clermont, Florida, about to plunge into the warm, dark water. It was the Great Floridian Triathlon. I was participating in the half Ironman distance.

The birth of this dream came in 1982 while watching Wide World of Sports. They were showing this crazy endurance race in Hawaii. The participants swam 2.4 miles in the wave churned ocean, climbed on to a bike and rode 112 sun baked miles around the island. Once they were off the bike with their legs feeling like jelly, they strapped on tennis shoes and ran or crawled a marathon, another 26.1 miles. The finisher was congratulated with a Hawaiian Lei and crowned an Ironman! On the TV that Saturday, I saw a participant, Julie Moss, collapsing just a few hundred feet from the finish line. She made herself get up, but it was as though her muscle would not respond to her brain's commands, like a new born baby deer learning to stand on her legs. It was agonizing to see her crawl those last few feet. I knew it was on tape, but I was yelling “You can do it!” I could sense the deep desire she had to finish. Her soul's cry was to not give up. This connected with something deep within me. It was something wonderful, a dream of mine. When Julie was embraced by family and friends at the finish line, I wiped away a tear that rolled down my cheek.

Starting out early on an October morning with my wife and seven year old son, we made our way to central Florida from Georgia. We arrived in time to attend the mandatory meeting the day before the race. My wife and son were my encouragement crew, to give me words of love and to express their belief that I could do it at times during the race when my mind would surely begin to doubt. If all went as planned, I would make my way past the transition area many times through out the race, where they could yell and scream. When I wasn't near by, they would also be praying for me.

After the meeting, I found myself in the transition area. This was where a triathlete set up all his gear so he could change into a cyclist, and then into a runner. I chose a grass covered spot, wanting to eliminate the possibility of getting sand on my feet. In training, I had practiced this many times. I knew just how and where to place things, so I hung my bike on the rack along with my helmet, bike shoes, sunglasses and sunscreen. I tied a bright colored hand towel around my handle bars so it would be easier to find in the sea of a couple of hundred bikes. I covered everything with plastic to keep the morning dew from soaking in before we headed off to try and get some sleep.

Next thing I remember is standing in the parking lot taking out all my gear to carry down the hill to the transition area. It was in the early morning, just before daybreak. There was excited chatter going on all around us. My family, with all smiles and encouraging words, were just as excited as if they were going to cross the finish line later that day.

I moved into the rows of colorful high-tech, shiny, bikes and found mine. The plastic had performed its job and everything was dry. I laid out all my food and slipped the bottles of electrolytes on to my bike. I said good morning to a couple of people while I made my way over to the place to get numbered. My paper numbers were pinned to my clothes and attached to my bike. But in triathlons they write the numbers on your arms and legs with permanent marker just in case the paper numbers get lost. This was cool, I actually felt like I was a triathlete. I could actually visualize myself getting a small burst of energy, rounding the corner to run the slight up hill grade to the finish line and crossing into the arms of my family. I took one last bathroom stop before I began my warm up of a couple of sprints and some stretching.

The race had already started for those small, quick, elite athletes that had a chance to win this thing. They were the kind of athletes that make it look so easy. But for most of us, we just desire to cross the finish line before the final cutoff time. In a race this big, the participants are started in waves based on the projected time they will finish.

So there I was in the last group, wading out into the water with about twenty other jittery souls. A quote I had read was going through my mind, “The race is the celebration of all the long months of hard work and preparation that you did to get to this point, so enjoy it.” I kept thinking, “The swim is not a problem--this is my strongest discipline. Don't go out too fast, conserve your energy for the run."

After I took a couple of smooth, deep relaxing breaths, I heard the announcer start the count down for my group. The next thing I know we were all running and splashing into the water. I got deep enough to start swimming and everything was smooth. After a couple of hundred yards, something was not right. I couldn't seem to get into a rhythm. Everything was out of sync. The further I swam, the worse it got. I felt like King Kong's hands were circling around my chest. They were crushing me, not letting any air get into my lungs. I stopped to tread water. I couldn't even think. One of the lifeguards in a kayak came to see what was wrong. I remember him saying to hold on to his boat and relax. Then I could try again. After a few minutes the pressure eased off and I began swimming again. There was still no rhythm in my stroke. I was swimming with my head above the surface. The pressure this time was too much. I couldn't get enough air. I knew my day was done.

Sitting in the motor boat on the way to the dock, I was extremely sad and disappointed. I felt like I had let my family down. A line from a song played over and over in my mind: " I will listen and believe the Voice of Truth." I knew I would have to try again some day. I remember seeing my wife's shocked face as she tried to understand what had happened and the disappointment in my son's eyes. I was kind of numb as I cleaned up my gear in preparation to leave.

I continued to reflect on what had happened that day. God was showing me how far he had matured and grown me. Not many years before, I would have been throwing and breaking things and making everyone around me miserable, but not this time. Sure I was sad, but I didn't let this define me. Later we figured out it was a panic attack, which is quite common in open water races. This did not diminish my value. Actually, it raised my value. I was able to be an example to my son in how to deal with disappointment and communicate to him that we can look to Father God. The Father's Love for us is limitless and He cares about even the smallest details in His children's life.

I want to share what the Lord poured into my spirit a few days ago. He showed me that we are entering into a time of "Great Release" of His Spirit. It is an outpouring like we have never had before in our lifetimes. He is saying it is time for His people to begin revealing His GLORY to the world. Those who have experienced extreme lack will be coming into an abundance of provision...The GLORY of the present house will be much greater than the glory of the former house (Haggai 2:9).

WARNING:

God is saying be aware of the enemy during the upcoming weeks, months, years. Because of this great outpouring of the Spirit the intensity of the enemy's attacks will increase greatly. Be aware of the ways the enemy will seek to destroy.

He will attack in many ways: sickness, fatigue, resignation (giving up), death wishes (wanting to die), confusion, doubt, fear. He'll especially seek to attack our value and worth. Also, he'll try to keep us in a place of indifference (not caring anymore about anything).

God is showing me that we should especially guard our relationships. The enemy will try relentlessly to rob from marriages and godly friendships. Marriages will be under fiery attack. Friendships that were formed by God will be attempted to be taken out.

The good news is that God WILL WIN! God is saying we need each other like never before. We must stand in unity to achieve GREAT things for His Kingdom.

John 17:20-23..."My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be ONE, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the GLORY that you gave me, that they may be ONE as we are ONE: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete UNITY to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” NIV

God is saying don't try to do this alone. He's saying that we need a strong union of people to walk with.

I hear Him saying over and over...Do not give up...Do not give up…Do not give up...Do not give up...Do not give up!

We live in a broken world. We live in a generation where technology has taken hold of our hearts. Where there used to be more deep, meaningful relationships there are now Facebook friends.

What is happening to our society? It appears to me that we have traded the sweetness of heartfelt friendships for the convenience of counterfeit intimacy. I believe the perfect design of our Creator was for us to live in harmony as brothers and sisters—as sons and daughters of LOVE.

I have always been an optimist—one who believes in the healing power of love. I can still envision myself as a little girl belting out the lyrics of my favorite song: ‘What the world needs now is love sweet love.’

As far out of a dream as it may be, I still believe in the power of LOVE to heal a world of broken people. Could the answer to life’s problems really be that simple? Could it really be all about love?

According to our Creator, it is all about love. Our creator is love. He created us in His own image. He created us to live deeply in relationships, to share deep love with Him and with others.

This new age of technology is creating a generation of lonely people.

Loneliness is the symptom of a love deficit.

God’s dream was for us to live in His love, so that we could love one another.

God designed us with a great need for love.

There is no love like His.

His love is perfect.

His love heals.

His love mends broken relationships.

His love takes care of orphans and widows.

His love shares with the poor.

His love sets captives free.

God’s love is what bonds people together in perfect harmony and peace—it’s what the world needs now more than anything else.

John 15: 9-12

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

1 John 4:16

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love, lives in God, and God in him.

The most intriguing thing about God is how He gives us signs and symbols to reveal how REAL He is.

A few weeks ago, the Lord began revealing to me a sign that I will remember forever.

The memory He brought to my mind was a day in 2008. It was December 8th. The Lord had put an idea in my heart for letting go of my past, so that I could move into His promises.

He wanted for me to symbolically release the yucky stuff in my heart, and trust Him to harvest a life of freedom from bondage.

I had a vision of letting go a balloon with words of my former bondage written on it.

God beckoned me to make my vision a reality.

I said, “Yes, Lord” and proceeded with His desire for me.

First, I wrote out a 6 page letter to God pouring out my heart to Him. I was determined to be completely free of the sin that was hindering me from experiencing God's best for my life.

It was amazing how everything fell perfectly into place. My beloved friend and sister in Christ, Cindy, joined me, and we set forth to let go of the junk in our lives.

Next, we stopped at the dollar store where we bought the most awesome white, star-shaped balloons. We were like two little girls, giddy and joyful! We drove over to the biggest church in our area that has the most magnificent cross on top of it.

In the church parking lot we wrote everything we could possibly want to let go of on our balloons.

I have to be AUTHENTIC. My balloon was covered with yucky words that would make a lot of Christians cringe to see all the sins I had struggled with such as bitterness, malice, pride, self-righteousness, etc. But I knew if I was going to get completely free, it was necessary to name the sins that were robbing me of the Fullness of God.

I attached to the balloon a short note to God expressing my desire to truly let go of my past.

Words can’t begin to describe the release I felt in my spirit when the balloon floated into the sky. A heavy weight was lifted.

Cindy quickly snapped a picture of our balloons floating away. The picture alone was a powerful symbol of what God was doing in our hearts. The picture only revealed the brightly-lit CROSS on the church. Our balloons, our sins were no where to be seen. In a split second they were gone. How symbolic of Christ’s forgiveness.

It was a defining moment in my life.

After we did our “Letting Go” we sat on a grassy hill and shared communion together. We drank grape juice and ate butterfly crackers (symbolizing the new life in Christ).

It was glorious! God smiled on us as we symbolically trusted Him to clean up our hearts.

Before we left the church parking lot, Cindy and I discussed how the following months would be a test of our letting go.

Oh what a test it would be!

In the following months, I would be challenged in every way to keep the sin from returning.

My particular struggle had been with bitterness toward my husband. I would be tested over and over. The bitterness would relentlessly try to reattach itself to me. I could actually feel a change in my physical body when I would call Cindy to confess to her and bring the ugliness into the light.

My new heart was so light-feeling that when the slightest amount of bitterness would show up I would begin to feel weighed down. This process of resisting the entanglements of the former bondage continued on for a number of months, until, finally, I began feeling completely free from it.

The past few months have been a time of celebration—a time of rejoicing in the harvest God has brought to my heart.

The work He has done in my heart has been sealed.  I knew this for sure when God reminded me of the symbolic meaning of the number 9 and how a historic day of nines was approaching.

The number 9 symbolizes harvest and LIFE.

09-09-09…This date will only occur once in my lifetime. The Lord brought it to my attention that EXACTLY 9 months ago from yesterday, I was letting go of my past.

What an AWESOME symbol God used to show me He’s up to BIG things in my life!  As I meditated on the symbol of the number 9 and how NINE months is the amount of time it takes for a woman to be ready to give birth, I heard God saying, “I’ve been preparing your heart, readying you for what I am birthing in you.”

I called my friend, Cindy, to share this great word with her...And before I shared all that God had said to me, she began describing how God had spoken to her heart that He was birthing something new in her. I exclaimed, “THAT”S IT!! THAT”S EXACTLY what I heard too! In that moment, I knew the deal was done. God had sealed it. I knew what God was saying. He was clearly saying, It’s HARVEST TIME!

Deuteronomy 16:15

 …For the Lord your God will bless you in all your harvest and in all the work of your hands, and your joy will be complete.

Galatians 6:9

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Children hold the key to a happy life. They are trusting by nature. They are innocent in their thinking, and they know how to enjoy life to the fullest instinctively.

When my children were younger they loved to go out and play in the rain. I have joyful memories of the rain coming down and their little voices begging me to let them go outside and play in it. As long as there was no sound of thunder I would let them.

With joy I would stand at the door and watch them dance around and play in the rain. It was full living at its best as they jumped around, splashing in the puddles. Sometimes they would dance around with umbrellas, or they would make a tent of umbrellas on the driveway. Sometimes they would simply stand in the rain on the edge of the street feeling the rush of water flowing between their toes.

The rain didn’t stop them from simply enjoying the day.

A downpour of rain doesn’t hinder a child’s ability to embrace the moment and fully live.

This is how our Father in heaven wants us to live out our lives. When He created us He never intended for us to endure life. His original idea was for us to see Him in the midst of the rain showers.

God never expected life to be perfect or easy. But He did expect us to rely on Him in the midst of the rainy days. He knew that if we truly relied on Him that we would be dancing.

God’s heart for us is good. When we’re dependent upon Him, He continually pours out His grace and love onto our lives.

He gives us a choice. We can either go our own way which leads to disaster, or we can trust Him and see His Glory.

Why not choose the latter?  Why not take the risk to see His Glory in your life?

When the rains come…turn toward Him and get ready to dance!


Psalm 30:11 (NAS Bible)

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness.

Joel 2:23 (The Message Bible)

Children of Zion, celebrate! Be glad in your God. He’s giving you a teacher to train you how to live right—Teaching, like rain out of heaven, showers of words to refresh and nourish your soul, just as He used to do.

For those of you who know me...you know how I love to dance both metaphorically speaking and in reality as an expression of my joy! This video fits well with who I am...a woman living life as a dance, enjoying everyday--rain or shine! 

Enjoy the video!

A woman’s greatest need is to be loved. She will go to great lengths to be seen. She will make foolish choices at times to be noticed and admired. Her heart longs to be swept off her feet into an adventure.

Can you imagine the passion that would be ignited if the desire to be loved and seen were shifted onto God? I can.

My heart began to fill up with passion when I began shifting my need to be radically loved onto God. For years I had been looking to my husband to fill the need.

I discovered that my husband was not created to fill the places in my heart that were designed for only God to fill.

In the process of learning to have my need for love met by God, I began seeing myself the way He sees me—as the beautiful creation He made me.

Have you ever imagined the way God sees you? Have you ever thought about the beauty He sees in you?

You are His beloved daughter.

He delights in you.

He swells with joy with one glance from you.

He longs for you to sit in His Presence.

He is captivated by your beauty.

He created you for His enjoyment.

Imagine living life fully knowing you are the beautiful, beloved daughter of God.

I invite you to enter into the heart dance of living in your God-given beauty.

The heart yearns for love. But only God's love fully satisfies our yearnings.

In my yearnings for love, I began drawing close to Jesus. I began seeking Him with all of my heart.

In my alone moments with Him, I began feeling His presence, hearing His voice, sensing His love in such a beautiful, powerful way.

God longs for all women to get their strong need for love met by Him.

In my quiet moments with God, He pours His words into my heart. I love it when He encourages me with His uplifting words.

Not long ago, the Lord gave me some words to share with several of my beloved friends—my sisters in Christ. I believe the Father wants all His beloved daughters to hear these words:

To all daughters of the King,

You are My treasured possession...My beautiful daughter. You are royalty…a princess, an heir of My kingdom. I love you more than you can possibly imagine or know. There is nothing you could ever do to change My love for you. It is eternal. I love you because you’re Mine. I made you in My image, for your beauty to be displayed to the world. The core of who you are is filled with gifts and talents—some of these you have discovered, others are waiting to be unveiled. Rest in My love, in knowing you are beautiful. You are treasured…you are the apple of My eye. I love you just the way you are.

No one loves you like Me!

Your Heavenly Father

Psalm 17:8 (NIV)

Keep me as the apple of your eye, hide me in the shadow of your wings.

Song of Songs 4:1 (NIV)

How beautiful you are my darling! Oh how beautiful!

God is love.

God is faithful. 

God desires mercy.

God desires humility.

God desires justice.

God loves you just as you are.

Micah 6:8

This is the only thing the Lord asks of you; to act justly, love tenderly, and to walk humbly with your God.

A mother’s heart is fiercely protective. When her child is in harm’s way, she will do all she can to protect and nurture him.

I remember a time when my son was little and very sick. The fact that he rarely got sick made it difficult.

It was in the middle of the night, and he had a high fever. I did everything I knew to do to help lower his temperature.

I climbed back into bed only to find myself restless. I was tossing and turning. My mind was racing with thoughts of concern for my son’s well-being.

Suddenly God’s voice captured my attention. He said to me, “Sing the song, ‘Jesus Loves Me.’” I was thinking, “Why do I need to sing a song in the middle of the night?”

I trusted God and began singing the song.

The lyrics to the old hymn spilled out of my heart:

Jesus loves me this I know,

For the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to Him belong;

They are weak, but He is strong.

As soon as I got to the 4^th verse, I was surrounded by peace. I knew what Jesus was saying. I began to weep softly as I realized that in my weakness, He had revealed His strength.

In that moment I knew my son would be fine. Jesus had taken over. I trusted His strength and went back to sleep.

The following day, the fever had ceased and my son was well.

Wherever you are in life…whether you are in the depths of despair or surrounded by darkness, there is hope in Christ.

Let Jesus take over. Give the reins to Him. His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

Joel 3:10 (NKJV)

Beat your plowshares into swords, and your pruning hooks into spears; Let the weak say, “I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:9 (AKJV)

My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.

I stumbled upon a prayer that I wrote in 2006. Three years after writing it I am still in awe of the treasures God has placed in my heart.

This prayer serves as a reminder that God is everything He says He is. He will do all that you ask of Him as long as you seek Him and remain in Him (Matthew 7:7-8, John 15:7).

Are you questioning God’s goodness? If you are, it’s a ploy to keep you from the treasures the Lord has for you.

Seek, seek, seek…that’s all you have to do to find God. He promises in His scriptures that if you seek Him, you will find Him.

I found God in ways I never dreamed of. He softly speaks to me. Sometimes He shouts things with a megaphone to get my attention. He lavishes me with His loving words. His voice is a priceless treasure.

Jesus is everything to me. He is my joy. He is my strength. He is my hope. He is my bosom buddy. He wants to be yours.

Don’t give up. Keep drawing close to Him. He is waiting. When you fall at His feet, He will say: “Where have you been lately?” “I’ve missed you. I’ve been waiting for you to come back.” “I love you with an everlasting love.”

Jesus is calling you to come and enter into His presence and stay awhile. He longs to be with you. He is beckoning you to fall deeply in love with Him.

My Prayer...May 14, 2006

Dear Lord,

As I sit here reminiscing over the past experiences of my life, I find myself overwhelmed with thankfulness. I remember the long nights of crying, the countless hours of prayer, the longing to really know that You had me in the palm of Your hand and that you really hadn’t forsaken me.

I remember doubting that you really had good plans for my life. I remember being so gripped with fear that I could barely move forward. I remember questioning Your love for me. I remember the darkness that surrounded me and wondering if I would ever see light in my life. I remember very clearly wanting desperately for my life to be over. Today, I ask You to never let these memories slip from my mind. 

Thank you, Father, for loving me enough to bring me to the place I am today. Forgive me for the many times I doubted Your love and Your plans for me.

Thank you for EVERY circumstance You have brought to my life because it is in these circumstances that You have revealed Yourself to me. You have shown me Your TRUE heart. I see clearly that without each circumstance You chose for me I could not be where I am today. With each circumstance You have given me a TREASURE: a lasting treasure that cannot be taken away.

You have written inscriptions on my heart that will be there for all eternity. These treasures are far beyond any earthly treasure I could ever obtain. Forgive me for all the times I have asked You for the false treasures and for believing the lie that they could fill the aches of my heart.

Thank you for your patience with me as I wasted so much of Your time chasing after the very things that bring death.

Lord, my heart is filled and overflowing with joy for the treasures You have given me. You have given me peace instead of fear, hope instead of hopelessness, life instead of a wish for death, a thankful heart instead of self-pity, laughter instead of tears, joy instead of sadness, dreams instead of doubt, dependence on You instead of dependence on me, strength to carry on instead of weariness, a worshipful heart instead of a worn down heart, a more humble heart instead of a pride-filled heart, a light heart instead of a heavy heart, and a heart that dances, sings, and praises You.

Lord, guard my heart from the tactics of the enemy and keep me in this place of living in the moment, fully hoping, dreaming, and trusting You. There is no place I would rather be than where You have me today.

Thank you for giving me ALL these treasures of the heart.

Your beloved daughter,

Amy

Matthew 6:19-21

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not steal. For where your treasure is there your heart will be also.

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