Living On The Edge

For as far back as I can remember I battled with fear of “Bad Guys.” I thought there was a monster living under my bed when I was little. I remember being tormented, as I lay awake in my bedroom of our very old house. I would hear noises in the attic, and I would want to sleep with my mom and dad. These kinds of fears lasted for years. As I grew older and grew closer to the Lord, my fears subsided. But occasionally, invasive thoughts of bad things have come back to visit.

The past few days have been a test for me. I very rarely feel gripped with fear, but this week I came face to face with some scary thoughts. To get right to the point, there is a guy at one of my workplaces that is hard for me to be around. I can see darkness all around him and tremendous hurt in his eyes. I get this eerie feeling in my gut when I’m near him. I can see how desperately he needs the Lord in his life. After several days of working with the man, I was feeling a tremendous burden as I faced the reality of the evil swirling around me. I was seeking God for answers, seeking to know whether the vibes I was discerning were truly accurate. I prayed with my family about the situation. While praying, I paused to allow the tears to flow as my spirit felt sympathy for this man who desperately needs Jesus.

Amazingly, the fear never got a full grip on me. But it was taunting me enough that I knew I had to pray fervently. I prayed over and over for the man to be drawn to Christ’s heart. Praying for the man wasn’t enough to sooth my spirit though. I needed to hear the voice of the Lord. I needed His comfort, His Spirit to show me I was being cared for in the midst of my feelings of uncertainty. My burden was heavy, and it wasn’t lifting. I asked the Lord to speak to me and encourage my heart.  My church family prayed for me during our worship service. My spirit was longing to know I had nothing to fear, to know I would be safely shielded in the shadow of God’s wings. After my church prayed, I felt better, but I was still battling with unrest in my spirit.

Today, I was looking for a scarf to wear. After searching for the color I needed, I left them in a pile on my bed. Later, I went back to put them away. I noticed a camouflage-colored bandana in the pile that had something that looked like a poem written in the center of it. I had never looked closely at it since it wasn’t one I really liked. I had brought it home from my grandmother’s apartment last year after she passed away. I didn’t like the colors of the bandana, and I had no sentimental attachment to it, but for some reason I kept it.  After having the bandana tucked away in my closet for over a year, I saw that the words were actually scriptures, and I felt compelled to read it.  I sat down on the edge of my bed and wept with a powerful sense of relief as I savored the words:

 “He who dwells in the secret place of The Most High, shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: My God, in Him I will trust. Surely He shall deliver me from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover me with His feathers, and under His wings I shall take refuge; His truth shall be my shield and buckler. I shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day, nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday. A thousand may fall at my side, And ten thousand at my right hand; but it shall not come near me. Only with my eyes shall I look and see the reward of the wicked. Because I have made the Lord, Who is my refuge, even the Most High, my dwelling place. No evil shall befall me, nor shall any plague come near my dwelling; for He shall give His angels charge over me, to keep me in all my ways in their hands they shall bear me up, lest I dash my foot against a stone. I shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, the young lion and the serpent I shall trample underfoot. Because I have set my love upon Him, therefore He will deliver me; He will set me on high because I have known His name. I shall call upon Him, and He will answer me. He will be with me in trouble; He will deliver me and honor me. With long life He will satisfy me and show me His salvation.” (Psalm 91)

While wiping away my tears, my burden lifted, and my spirit settled into a warm, peaceful place. It’s hard to describe the magnitude of my relief. I can remember a time in my childhood when I felt something similar. Did you ever get lost as a child? I have a vivid memory of shopping in a department store with my grandmother, and getting separated from her. I was probably about 5 years old. I can still see myself standing there with a saleswoman feeling panicked and frightened. Thoughts were racing through my head: Would I be OK? Would I find my grandmother? Can you imagine the magnitude of my relief when I saw my grandmother’s face after being separated from her? The emotions were overwhelming as I ran to her and embraced her. This is how I felt today when I read Psalm 91. I was warmly held in my Father’s embrace, with an overwhelming sense of love and protection.

The Lord amazes me in His ability to encourage my heart. There is no way I can explain in words what finding these scriptures in a pile of scarves meant to me. The verses in Psalm 91 have ministered to me so many times. There is a song we sing at church that has the words of this Psalm for its lyrics. Every time we sing it my spirit soars.  I don't think there is a song that makes me want to worship and dance more than this one. The words melt my heart – they speak directly to the unsettled places inside me. While reading each word of Psalm 91, it was as though Christ was sitting there holding me tightly saying, “See, Amy, I will take care of you…I am showing you that I will.”

Each time He comes to my rescue, my heart falls deeper in love with Him.  I am in awe of the unique ways the Lord reveals His love. This day He chose a Psalm - the words of one of my favorite worship songs - to minister to me, to melt away my discomfort.  He always comes through for me. He always satisfies my soul. He calms me in a chaotic world. He shows me that there is solace and serenity waiting for me, when I run to Him in despair, when I run to my Father's arm...my dwelling place.   

Philippians 4:7 (Weymouth New Testament Translation)

“And then the peace of God, which transcends all our powers of thought, will be a garrison to guard your hearts and minds in union with Christ Jesus.”

Dear Lord,

Thank You for rescuing my heart in times of uncertainty. Thank You for the amazing ways You show me Your love and tender care. Thank You for the promise of protection for those who dwell in the shadow of Your wings. May there never be a day in my life that I’m not hiding in the secret place of Your love. Amen

Live Abundantly!

Amy

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