Living On The Edge

 

It is truly the most exciting time of my life. After years of struggling internally, I feel free, my spirit is soaring. The bound places in my heart are wide open, no longer held back by fear. As I write this, tears of joy are welling up in my eyes. It’s overwhelming in a good way to think about the days when I lived my life as a scared little girl, not fully trusting my heavenly Father. I still feel like a little girl inside, but I’m not afraid anymore. I’m a little girl, sitting perfectly still in my Daddy’s arms. His big, strong arms keep me safe, keep me at peace. Because I know in my heart He is guarding over me. What an amazing FREEDOM it is to live life with no limits, with great expectations from a Daddy who loves me more than I can imagine!

It’s as though my life is a story that has already been written. Three years ago, the Lord encouraged me with some words that I think about often. I have these words recorded in my journal... “God has already written the story of our lives. All we need to do is rest and enjoy it as He turns the pages.” Since then I have been swept up into an amazing adventure, a story that keeps me longing for more. It feels like the times when I am reading a good book. It can be so difficult to put it down because of the anticipation of wanting to see what will happen next. This is my life – I am anxiously awaiting the good plans (Jeremiah 29:11) God has for me.

My husband, Michael, and I have embarked upon a new beginning that my spirit knows will certainly lead us to the destiny God has for us. About 4 weeks ago, Michael began classes at a tecnical college in our area. It may not sound too exciting to those standing afar, but to anyone that desires to hear the whole story, keep reading. 

In January, Michael was blindsided when he was told he was losing his job. After the initial surprise, we knew the Lord was up to something. We knew that it was no coincidence that Michael was without work for the 8^th time during our marriage. We knew that the Lord would be faithful to us the way He had been faithful to us all 7 of the other times. We knew we were in the center of His will, and He had us in the palm of His hand. I guess after walking a winding, hilly road so many times, it becomes so familiar that it just is not intimidating anymore. It’s awesome to think about how far the Lord has brought both of us since the first job loss.

So there we were, back to square one, wondering, “What’s next, Lord?” Panic never set in. Instead, Michael and I were both unbelievably hopeful. Not having a clue what the Lord wanted us to do next, we began seeking Him through prayer. The continual cry of our heart has been to know what His will is for our lives. We both have wanted desperately to do what He wants us to do. Sometimes it can be hard knowing exactly what God wants for us. We kept seeking His direction until we were certain we heard His voice.

Not too long after Michael lost his job, he shared with me that he had been thinking about our love for Africa, and our calling to go there some day. He had really been thinking about what we could do in Africa. What would be our purpose for going there? We had talked about this before, but this time I could see seriousness in Michael I had never seen. He asked me, “What are we going to do, just show up in Africa some day?” He continued saying that he believed there had to be a path that would lead us to the plans God has for us. He said he had been praying specifically that God would lead him to a field or a job that would eventually take us to Africa. He was praying for God to show him a real way to help the African people. I was touched that Michael had passionately embraced the vision that the Lord had first shown me. But neither of our minds could imagine what this would look like, or how we would end up in Africa. We tucked it in the back of our minds, and focused our prayers on asking the Lord to help us make it month to month without much of an income.

Several months went by, and as always the Lord provided for us beyond what we expected. He even threw in an over-the-top surprise, and blessed my socks off! That’s a story I’ll save for another day. By April, Michael was beginning to feel weary of living with the uncertainty. He had been without permanent, full-time work for nearly 3 months, with no sign of anything that seemed promising. He had found temporary part-time work, but there were no guarantees for how long this would last. In February, I had taken on a weekend job and an additional part-time job during the week, but our income was still about 50% of what it had been before Michael lost his job.

The job losses have been hard on the whole family. But for Michael, as the man, it has been much more difficult. He has taken a lot of knocks during the past 23 years. He has shared with me how hard it is for a man to be without a job. So much of a man’s worth can be wrapped up in what He does for a living. It has been a hard battle for him, especially since his wealthy father is such a huge success in the world’s eyes. In my eyes, Michael has found true success. I am proud of the man he has become through the adversity. He is a real man – a man after God’s heart.

In late April, during a quick stop at the store, I saw a couple we had known from years earlier. The woman had been my daughter’s assistant-teacher in the first grade. We stood there near the produce section catching up on our lives. I shared with them about Michael’s job loss. Our conversation led to the man sharing about a wonderful program, Workforce Investment Act (WIA). The program had provided a way for him to go back to school. He happily shared how his schooling had helped him find work. He wrote down all the information for the WIA Program on the back of their grocery list, and he encouraged me to go home and share the information with Michael.  So I did.

I can still envision the look on Michael’s face, when I handed him the scribbled-on paper, and began telling him about WIA. His downtrodden face lit up, and I saw passion spark up in him. He exclaimed, “This is the program I read about on the Internet!” He shared how he had been interested in the program, but had never moved forward with it. Right before my very eyes, Michael’s demeanor changed from weariness to an enthusiastic HOPEFULNESS that I hadn’t seen in him for a while. It was so obvious that God was doing something big. It was great! The next morning he was in the Workforce Investment Act office, and the ball began rolling. The woman he spoke with explained that he had to have a plan, a proposed idea of what degree he was seeking to earn. He had been rolling around one idea in his head for quite a while. There was something in him that was drawn to a field called, ‘Biomedical Engineering Technology,’ which focuses on managing and supporting the manufacture and use of sophisticated medical devices (such as imaging equipment) – and  technology in patient care. Before WIA would invest in Michael’s education, they had to know he was serious, and that he knew what he was getting into.

Michael’s next step was to set up an appointment with the school he hoped to attend. Within a few weeks, he was sitting in the office of the head professor (director) of the Biomedical Engineering Technology Program at the technical school close to our home. Without Michael sharing anything about his personal life, faith, etc. - the professor shared  how he planned to prepare a group of students for traveling abroad to study, and to help people in great need by working on medical equipment in the hospitals of third world countries. I bet you can guess where, YES, you’ve got it…Africa! In response, Michael said, “That’s interesting, because my wife and I feel called to Africa.” Later that day, Michael excitedly talked about the details of the meeting. He said it was an amazing thing to be sitting there at that moment with a distinguished, older professor, talking about Africa as both of their eyes filled with tears. He knew the Spirit of God was there.

It is undeniable that the Lord is in the midst of the path we are on. I don’t know about others, but I don’t believe in coincidences. God knew that Michael would end up sitting in that office and hear the words that were spoken about Africa. There is not an ounce of doubt in our minds. From that moment on, there has been no stopping us! We are on a mission, and we are going where God is leading us no matter what.

So here we are a few weeks into the 1^st quarter of Michael’s schooling.  It’s been stretching him, to say the least. Try to imagine being a 46 year old man going back to school after 25 years. The majority of his classmates are 18 years old. In the midst of the challenges, he’s doing a phenomenal job. He made a 90 on his first Algebra test! I’m so excited, I cannot contain it. The road leading us to where we stand today has been long and hard. I have watched Michael persevere through so many trials, while keeping his integrity. To see him excited, to see him come alive after decades of struggles is sweeter than someone handing me a million dollars. I would love to have a bigger income. But nothing compares to what I’m watching God do in our lives. There is no amount of money that could replace the gold that I see Him giving us.

For the first time in my life, things are making complete sense to me. I can see why we’ve had to go through one trial after another. God knew we would have never had the faith to step out into the unknown without enduring some tests first. We truly don’t know how the Lord will provide all our needs while Michael attends school, and while we continue to home-school our son (3 days a week). We are taking it one step at a time, trying not to look too far ahead. We are being obedient to what the Lord is saying to do right now. I’m working the jobs He has asked me to work. Michael is working minimal hours, doing some temporary work on occasional days. From our standpoint, it doesn’t seem possible for us to stay afloat while Michael earns a degree. Because presently, we can’t see the ways God will sustain us.

Michael had an interview on Monday for a permanent, part-time job. It seemed to be a good fit, the right amount of hours to fit in with his school schedule. But is it from God? We’ll have to wait and see – wait for the Lord to reveal His plan for Michael. We’re moving forward, without seeing the full picture. This is what faith is. We are believing God has good plans for us, and not looking back at the disappointments of the past. As Christians, we either believe what the Bible says, or we don’t. We are choosing to believe. The Lord has shown us what He’s capable of already. He’s the One that has gotten us this far. Every penny of Michael’s tuition is being paid for by grants offered through the Workforce Investment Act. His books were a fraction of the cost they could have been, because he was able to buy them used. We are going where God is taking us. We’re not chickening out now! With God on our side, what is there to fear? There is nothing to fear, absolutely nothing! I can rest in my Father’s arms. What could be better than sitting on Daddy’s lap, listening to His heart, and watching a beautiful story unfolding?

Jeremiah 29:11 (The Message)

"I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." 

Lord, thank You for the great adventure you’re taking us on. Help us to continually keep our eyes on You. Help us to hear Your voice and help us to carefully take each step in the direction You are leading us. May our faith continue to grow, and may You use our lives as a testament of Your goodness. Amen.

Live Abundantly!

Amy

 

To love and to be loved are the two greatest things we can experience in this life…I heard these words spoken during a wedding toast recently. I have to agree. There is nothing that compares to the fulfillment of loving someone deeply and experiencing his or her love in return.

Yet, I am continually being challenged in my ability to love fully. Loving someone who continually shows me love is not a hard thing. The difficulty comes in loving those that don’t seem lovable. If we only show love to those who are kind and caring, then why do we need Christ? Throughout my life, the Lord has allowed unloving people to cross my path.  I believe He has wanted to teach me how to love the way He loves – with no bounds.

I don’t know about everyone else, but for me, my marriage is by far the most challenging when it comes to continually showing true Christ-like love. The Lord has a way of bringing together complete opposites; this is what He did in my life, with my husband and me. It’s kind of funny when I think about how totally opposite we are. My husband is an introvert - I am an extrovert.  He is a morning person – I am a night person. He is a reserved, more serious person – I am a free-spirited person. He is a ‘plan every detail’ kind of person - I am a ‘go with the flow’ kind of person. He is more of a spender – I am more of a saver. He is more laid back about housekeeping – I am the ‘wants everything in its place’ kind of person. The list goes on…I could go on listing more differences in our God-given personalities. And I didn’t even mention the natural differences there are in men and women. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about: The “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” thing. That’s a whole separate topic!

For better or for worse…There’s a reason we said these words in our marriage vows. Because when two people come together with completely opposite natures – there will be friction. There is no way to get around it. One time, I heard someone say that they would prefer to have a mate with a similar personality to theirs. Not me! It would be totally boring to spend the rest of my life with someone like myself. My husband was made for me - there is no doubt about it.

But knowing we were made for each other doesn’t keep us from being tested in our ability to truly love one another. The marriage relationship is the most powerful way to live out our Christianity. It is the perfect opportunity to live out our beliefs, and share Christ’s love with the person closest to us. As husband and wife, we are bonded like no other bond.  

There is no one on this earth that knows me more intimately than my husband, not even my mother and father. When the Lord began tearing down walls that were between my husband and me, a deep level of intimacy began growing. We began sharing our deepest fears, our hurts and our wildest dreams with each other. We laid out our most valuable treasures to share with the other, trusting that they would be delicately treated.

It has been a beautiful thing. But as the depth of our marriage has grown, so has the cost. Our ability to hurt each other is much greater now. When we were holding tightly onto the deepest parts of our souls, it was safer. There wasn’t so much at stake. Now my husband holds the most valuable part of me in his hand – my heart. I have given all of it to him, not small parts. He has it all. The only One who exceeds this bond is Christ. It is my bond with Christ that has allowed me to open my heart fully to my husband.  Without Christ’s love, I would have to keep my heart guarded and protected, living in mediocrity. I did this for many years. I lived and loved half-heartedly. I was too busy trying to protect myself from hurt to really love the way I know Christ intends for me to. The cost was too high for me. I knew that if I dared to love as Christ loves, I could end up getting hurt. So I didn’t take many risks.

Things started changing when I allowed Christ to begin healing the wounded places in my heart. As He healed each wound, a piece of the protective shield that surrounded my heart began breaking away. I began opening myself to my husband in ways I never had before. I began sharing every part of my heart with him – not holding back anything, letting him see my bare soul.  I remember consciously making a decision a few years ago to love hard no matter what the cost. It hasn’t been as easy as I thought it was going to be. My unguarded heart is vulnerable and when hurt is inflicted, it can go deep. Loving hard, loving fully means hurting sometimes. That’s part of it.

The marriage relationship is the place that love is tested the most. The closeness in the relationship forces us to face our differences. The only other option is to grow apart, living together in the same house. What’s the point in that? We didn’t get married to be roommates. We want to be lovers and best friends.

Recently, I was in the midst of a test in my ability to love my husband fully. My feelings had been hurt, and I was having a hard time letting it go. I just kept thinking, “I have a right to feel this way.” My flesh was demanding its way. I wanted my husband to come to me and make it right. Instead of loving fully, I allowed a wall to go up between us. Those protective barriers were creeping back. I had an option, I could either keep waiting on him to come and make it right, or I could let go of my hurt and be the initiator of the reconciliation. It’s so much easier to wait, let him come to me, and let him admit his wrong. It feels better that way.

After contemplating my choices for a while, I ended up in my secluded place with the Lord, praying these words: Lord Jesus, what would You do in the situation I am in? He immediately answered: “LOVE - expecting NOTHING in return.” It hit me like a ton of bricks!  My mind was bombarded with thoughts: “How can I do this, everything in me wants something in return.” The Lord flooded out my thoughts with this Bible verse: “I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13). He continued speaking to my heart. He was nudging me to go read 1 Corinthians 13. I knew this chapter well. Our pastor read it at our wedding. I had read it dozens of times throughout my life. I sensed the Lord saying to read it in the Living Bible translation. I went into our office, pulled my old Bible off the bookshelf, and began reading these words:

Love is very patient, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love DOES NOT demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will HARDLY EVER NOTICE when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.

By the time I got to the end, I was weeping in repentance. I asked the Lord to forgive me for the mistake I had made.  I had gotten so caught up in what wrong had been inflicted on me that it was all I could see. Letting go hurts. Loving someone regardless of the hurt that may have been imposed is hard. It means I have to die to my desires to be heard - die to my desires to be understood. It means putting others’ feelings before mine. Mother Teresa knew how to love. She understood that sometimes loving hurts. She once said: “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

Since that night when the Lord spoke boldly to me about love, I have stayed focused on the words in Corinthians 13. I have read it over and over. I have prayed for the Lord to continually allow me to be an instrument of His unconditional love. I want to love with no bounds, take every risk possible, and love at all costs. The awards are amazing. The irony I see in all of this is that when I hold back and don’t love fully, I am sabotaging my chances for the deep connection my spirit is craving. I get caught up in the belief that holding back will protect me from hurt. Actually, when I hold back I am hurting myself more. I miss out on the really good stuff. When I dive in, loving my husband as hard as I possibly can - the desires of my heart are fulfilled. Each time I take a risk, it hurts at the moment to deny my own needs, but in the long run my marriage is blessed beyond measure; the romantic love returns, the passion comes alive, and our relationship flourishes.

God made no mistake when he chose my husband for me. He knew my weaknesses needed to be my husband’s strengths, and that my strengths needed to be his weaknesses. We need each other. This is what oneness is about (Genesis 2:24). It is a process of learning, and taking a lifetime to learn to love. It’s amazing – this thing called love. There is no greater power than the power of love. It’s worth the risk. It’s worth the tears. It’s worth diving in as deep as you can go…because no matter what - Love Never Fails!

1 Corinthians 13:8

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge; it will pass away. NIV

Lord, thank you for allowing me to experience the power of love! Thank you for the deep love my husband and I share. I pray that our love will continue to deepen and grow beyond anything we can imagine. May our lives together be a beautiful example of Your love. Amen.

Live Abundantly!

~Amy

My article for Intercessory Prayer Network SE:                                                     

 

There are countless questions surrounding God and His kingdom. As humans, we long to understand the mysteries of our Creator. There is really no way to have all of our questions answered while living in our present bodies. But I have discovered He does give us some of the answers we long for.

For many years, I didn’t understand God at all. I knew He created me, and I knew I was His child. But when disappointment and difficulty arose in my life, I felt betrayed. I felt like God didn’t really care about me. I continued pressing on, clinging to the scriptures I had studied. Little by little, I began seeing the truth, as God showed me in tangible ways how His kingdom works. There are dozens of examples of God’s goodness written on my heart. The most recent example outdoes them all.

Last fall, I went out on a limb with the Lord, trusting Him with plans for my daughter.  She was beginning her senior year of high school with no plans for her future. The one thing she knew, without a doubt, was that she was called to study photography. She had recently seen a small, private college that intrigued her. My daughter discovered that the school held what she was looking for - an exceptional photography program.

There was one major problem. Due to job losses, we had no college fund. The private school’s tuition was two-thirds higher than the local public college. The Hope Scholarship, which Georgia residents receive, only covers a small percentage of a private school’s tuition. It seemed like an impossible choice. After all, “Plan B” would be much more feasible. My daughter could attend the public college free with the Hope Scholarship. But she would be settling for less – there is not a photography program at the public school.

We had a choice to make. Would we face our fears and go after what we believed was God’s plan, or just settle? We began seeking God, and He answered. I heard Him saying, “Why consider Plan B, if we know that God’s best for our daughter’s life is Plan A?” So our journey of trust began. Walking in blind faith, we put one foot in front of the other to move toward the vision God had given us. Challenges arose throughout the process, but we kept moving, kept trusting.

After 8 months of waiting, we received the news we had prayed about and trusted God for. My daughter received a total of 7 scholarships and grants (gifts, not loans) to pay for the private college. The Lord gave us the vision, we chose to believe, and He fulfilled it! I wept with joy over what the Lord had done.

The Bible tells us we can move mountains with the faith of a mustard seed (Matthew 17:20). What mountains are you moving? Don’t settle for anything less than God’s best.

 

1. Seek FIRST God's kingdom (Matthew 6:33).

2. BELIEVE God has good plans for you. (Jeremiah 29:11).

3. FEARLESSLY go after that which the Lord has called you to (Isaiah 41:13).

 

I believe the disappointment I experienced in the past was a result of making God a smorgasbord, settling for what looked appealing, and praying for things that were not His will. I stopped trying to move mountains that God didn’t want for me to move. Instead, I began seeking God wholeheartedly for His direction, tenaciously going after His plans. In return, the Lord filled my heart with belief, certainty, and an unshakable faith!

2 Corinthians 5:7

"We live by faith, not by sight."

Lord, thank You for coming through for me in the most unbelievable ways! Thank You for Your goodness, Your grace, and Your mercy. Help me to continually live by FAITH, not by sight. Let my life be a shining example of the HOPE You bring! Amen.

Live Abundantly!

Amy

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