Living On The Edge

Article written for Intercessory Prayer Network SE:

When I was twenty years old, I wrote a prayer to God, expressing my desire to learn to depend on Him like an infant with her mother. If I had known what was in store for me, I don't know that I would have been brave enough to pray those words.

At that time in my life I didn't really know what it meant to be dependent on God. There was no reason to depend on Him. I was a young newlywed working for a Fortune 500 company, sailing through life. To top things off, I was head over heels in love with the man I had dreamed of as a little girl. I was "Cinderella" and my "Prince Charming" had swept me off my feet. I thought we would live happily ever after.

For a season, the sunshine remained, but then the rain came, and eventually turned into violent thunderstorms. My marriage was failing, the job I sought fulfillment from had ended and I felt hopeless. Everything that made me feel safe and protected had been destroyed. I hit rock bottom. A 1997 journal entry reveals my desperation. You can hear the pain in my words: "God, do you hate me?" I clearly remember wanting my life to be over. In my desperation, God picked me up, put the pieces of my heart back together, and healed my marriage.

Shortly after God began restoring my marriage, I woke up from a deep sleep with these words stuck in my head: "Wherever you go, I will go." Later I shared the words with my mother, hoping she would have some insight. She told me that these words were from a scripture in the book of Ruth. Through tears, my mother read the words from Ruth 1:16, "Ruth said: 'Entreat me not to leave you, or turn back from following after you; for wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.' "  It touched my heart, but I still wasn't sure what the relevance of this verse was for my life. Several hours later, the Spirit of God came over me, suddenly - I remembered something I had forgotten. My husband and I had a verse engraved on our wedding bands before we were married. I couldn't get the ring off of my finger fast enough to see what scripture was inscribed on it.  My heart fluttered when I saw that it was Ruth 1:16. As I sat there weeping, I knew God had known all along that we would make it through the severe storms we had faced in our marriage.

Is there something you are relentlessly praying about, and desperately seeking God for?

* Don't give up praying (Luke 18: 1-8).

* Remain steadfast and don't lose heart (Hebrew 12:3).

* Keep a heart of gratitude (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

God hears our desperate cries and makes all things beautiful in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Twenty-two years after praying for an infant-like dependence on God, I believe I have learned what it means to be fully dependent on Him. My life is a beautiful story unfolding - a journey of growing, learning, and desperately seeking God.

 Amy

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