Living On The Edge

It's hard to put into words how I'm feeling at this moment. It's so much greater than any joy I've ever experienced. There's just a certainty in my spirit of God's love for me. I am in awe of the goodness of God - in awe of the way He encourages my heart. I love the way He shows His glory through signs and symbols.

Earlier this week, a friend reminded me of the significance of today's date.  As she was talking, I cupped my hands over my face and started to weep. The number  8 is Biblically symbolic of New Beginnings. But what's more important than that for me is how the Lord has encouraged  my heart by allowing so many New Beginnings in my life to somehow be connected to the number 8. The number popped up at times I had not expected it to. Every time, it has been such a confirmation of the Lord's great love for me.

So today is a special day for me. My heart is celebrating. I know I am in the midst of a season of New Beginnings. It's no longer something in the distance, seeming out of reach. I am right smack in the season of New Beginnings I knew was coming.

A few years ago, I was in a season of "cleaning out." It's funny how the things going on in the spiritual realm are symbolically represented by the things going on in the physical realm. I hope this makes sense. As God was cleaning out my heart, I was literally cleaning out my house. I had a room in my house that had accumulated a lot of junk that needed to be purged. It had become so easy for the whole family to throw things into our junk room. The Lord put a sense of urgency in my heart to get it cleaned up.

As I began cleaning out, I heard the Lord saying, "Out with the old, in with the New." Cleaning my junk room was a symbol of what God was doing in my heart - sloughing away the old, so the new could come. I remember telling a few friends that I could taste the new things God had for my life. While sorting through junk, trying to decide what was worth keeping, I pulled a large wall plaque out of a box. It was a sweet Noah's Ark plaque I had bought for my son's room when he was a baby. I froze when I read the words that were written on it: "Rainbows * Promises * New Beginnings."

It still brings tears to my eyes to think of that day. It was the confirmation I needed to truly KNOW in my spirit that God would bring forth all the things He had promised. I carried the plaque to church, proclaiming the goodness of God to anyone that would listen. A few people looked at me strangely. I'm sure some of them were wondering, "What in the world does that silly plaque have to do with God's goodness?" But I knew it was the Lord's special gift to my heart. I have the plaque hanging over the doorway going into my kitchen. It has remained a reminder to me that God does keep His promises.

The Lord is the greatest encourager, greatest friend, greatest Daddy. He makes me want to sing and dance. His love is never ending and His promises are TRUE! This day, the 8th day of the 8th month of the year 2008 is, for sure, a symbol of HOPE. I am honored, I am privileged to be alive, to be a part of a glorious season of New Beginnings...08*08*08!

I Corinthians 15:46 NIV

"The spiritual did not come first, but the natural, and after that the spiritual."

Dear Lord,

What more can I say than...Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for Your unfailing, magnificent love. Thank You for all the New Beginnings You have brought to my life, and for all the ones to come. How can I repay You for Your goodness? My heart will sing You praises forever! Amen.

Live Abundantly!

It is truly the most exciting time of my life. After years of struggling internally, I feel free, my spirit is soaring. The bound places in my heart are wide open, no longer held back by fear. As I write this, tears of joy are welling up in my eyes. It’s overwhelming in a good way to think about the days when I lived my life as a scared little girl, not fully trusting my heavenly Father. I still feel like a little girl inside, but I’m not afraid anymore. I’m a little girl, sitting perfectly still in my Daddy’s arms. His big, strong arms keep me safe, keep me at peace. Because I know in my heart He is guarding over me. What an amazing FREEDOM it is to live life with no limits, with great expectations from a Daddy who loves me more than I can imagine!

It’s as though my life is a story that has already been written. Three years ago, the Lord encouraged me with some words that I think about often. I have these words recorded in my journal... “God has already written the story of our lives. All we need to do is rest and enjoy it as He turns the pages.” Since then I have been swept up into an amazing adventure, a story that keeps me longing for more. It feels like the times when I am reading a good book. It can be so difficult to put it down because of the anticipation of wanting to see what will happen next. This is my life – I am anxiously awaiting the good plans (Jeremiah 29:11) God has for me.

My husband, Michael, and I have embarked upon a new beginning that my spirit knows will certainly lead us to the destiny God has for us. About 4 weeks ago, Michael began classes at a tecnical college in our area. It may not sound too exciting to those standing afar, but to anyone that desires to hear the whole story, keep reading. 

In January, Michael was blindsided when he was told he was losing his job. After the initial surprise, we knew the Lord was up to something. We knew that it was no coincidence that Michael was without work for the 8^th time during our marriage. We knew that the Lord would be faithful to us the way He had been faithful to us all 7 of the other times. We knew we were in the center of His will, and He had us in the palm of His hand. I guess after walking a winding, hilly road so many times, it becomes so familiar that it just is not intimidating anymore. It’s awesome to think about how far the Lord has brought both of us since the first job loss.

So there we were, back to square one, wondering, “What’s next, Lord?” Panic never set in. Instead, Michael and I were both unbelievably hopeful. Not having a clue what the Lord wanted us to do next, we began seeking Him through prayer. The continual cry of our heart has been to know what His will is for our lives. We both have wanted desperately to do what He wants us to do. Sometimes it can be hard knowing exactly what God wants for us. We kept seeking His direction until we were certain we heard His voice.

Not too long after Michael lost his job, he shared with me that he had been thinking about our love for Africa, and our calling to go there some day. He had really been thinking about what we could do in Africa. What would be our purpose for going there? We had talked about this before, but this time I could see seriousness in Michael I had never seen. He asked me, “What are we going to do, just show up in Africa some day?” He continued saying that he believed there had to be a path that would lead us to the plans God had for us. He said he had been praying specifically that God would lead him to a field or a job that would eventually take us to Africa. He was praying for God to show him a real way to help the African people. I was touched that Michael had passionately embraced the vision that the Lord had first shown me. But neither of our minds could imagine what this would look like, or how we would end up in Africa. We tucked it in the back of our minds, and focused our prayers on asking the Lord to help us make it month to month without much of an income.

Several months went by, and as always the Lord provided for us beyond what we expected. He even threw in an over-the-top surprise, and blessed my socks off! That’s a story I’ll save for another day. By April, Michael was beginning to feel weary of living with the uncertainty. He had been without permanent, full-time work for nearly 3 months, with no sign of anything that seemed promising. He had found temporary part-time work, but there were no guarantees for how long this would last. In February, I had taken on a weekend job and an additional part-time job during the week, but our income was still about 50% of what it had been before Michael lost his job.

The job losses have been hard on the whole family. But for Michael, as the man, it has been much more difficult. He has taken a lot of knocks during the past 23 years. He has shared with me how hard it is for a man to be without a job. So much of a man’s worth can be wrapped up in what He does for a living. It has been a hard battle for him, especially since his wealthy father is such a huge success in the world’s eyes. In my eyes, Michael has found true success. I am proud of the man he has become through the adversity. He is a real man – a man after God’s heart.

In late April, during a quick stop at the store, I saw a couple we had known from years earlier. The woman had been my daughter’s assistant-teacher in the first grade. We stood there near the produce section catching up on our lives. I shared with them about Michael’s job loss. Our conversation led to the man sharing about a wonderful program, Workforce Investment Act (WIA). The program had provided a way for him to go back to school. He happily shared how his schooling had helped him find work. He wrote down all the information for the WIA Program on the back of their grocery list, and he encouraged me to go home and share the information with Michael.  So I did.

I can still envision the look on Michael’s face, when I handed him the scribbled-on paper, and began telling him about WIA. His downtrodden face lit up, and I saw passion spark up in him. He exclaimed, “This is the program I read about on the Internet!” He shared how he had been interested in the program, but had never moved forward with it. Right before my very eyes, Michael’s demeanor changed from weariness to an enthusiastic HOPEFULNESS that I hadn’t seen in him for a while. It was so obvious that God was doing something big. It was great! The next morning he was in the Workforce Investment Act office, and the ball began rolling. The woman he spoke with explained that he had to have a plan, a proposed idea of what degree he was seeking to earn. He had been rolling around one idea in his head for quite a while. There was something in him that was drawn to a field called, ‘Biomedical Engineering Technology,’ which focuses on managing and supporting the manufacture and use of sophisticated medical devices (such as imaging equipment) – and  technology in patient care. Before WIA would invest in Michael’s education, they had to know he was serious, and that he knew what he was getting into.

Michael’s next step was to set up an appointment with the school he hoped to attend. Within a few weeks, he was sitting in the office of the head professor (director) of the Biomedical Engineering Technology Program at the technical school close to our home. Without Michael sharing anything about his personal life, faith, etc. - the professor shared  how he planned to prepare a group of students for traveling abroad to study, and to help people in great need by working on medical equipment in the hospitals of third world countries. I bet you can guess where, YES, you’ve got it…Africa! In response, Michael said, “That’s interesting, because my wife and I feel called to Africa.” Later that day, Michael excitedly talked about the details of the meeting. He said it was an amazing thing to be sitting there at that moment with a distinguished, older professor, talking about Africa as both of their eyes filled with tears. He knew the Spirit of God was there.

It is undeniable that the Lord is in the midst of the path we are on. I don’t know about others, but I don’t believe in coincidences. God knew that Michael would end up sitting in that office and hear the words that were spoken about Africa. There is not an ounce of doubt in our minds. From that moment on, there has been no stopping us! We are on a mission, and we are going where God is leading us no matter what.

So here we are a few weeks into the 1^st quarter of Michael’s schooling.  It’s been stretching him, to say the least. Try to imagine being a 46 year old man going back to school after 25 years. The majority of his classmates are 18 years old. In the midst of the challenges, he’s doing a phenomenal job. He made a 90 on his first Algebra test! I’m so excited, I cannot contain it. The road leading us to where we stand today has been long and hard. I have watched Michael persevere through so many trials, while keeping his integrity. To see him excited, to see him come alive after decades of struggles is sweeter than someone handing me a million dollars. I would love to have a bigger income. But nothing compares to what I’m watching God do in our lives. There is no amount of money that could replace the gold that I see Him giving us.

For the first time in my life, things are making complete sense to me. I can see why we’ve had to go through one trial after another. God knew we would have never had the faith to step out into the unknown without enduring some tests first. We truly don’t know how the Lord will provide all our needs while Michael attends school, and while we continue to home-school our son (3 days a week). We are taking it one step at a time, trying not to look too far ahead. We are being obedient to what the Lord is saying to do right now. I’m working the jobs He has asked me to work. Michael is working minimal hours, doing some temporary work on occasional days. From our standpoint, it doesn’t seem possible for us to stay afloat while Michael earns a degree. Because presently, we can’t see the ways God will sustain us.

Michael had an interview on Monday for a permanent, part-time job. It seemed to be a good fit, the right amount of hours to fit in with his school schedule. But is it from God? We’ll have to wait and see – wait for the Lord to reveal His plan for Michael. We’re moving forward, without seeing the full picture. This is what faith is. We are believing God has good plans for us, and not looking back at the disappointments of the past. As Christians, we either believe what the Bible says, or we don’t. We are choosing to believe. The Lord has shown us what He’s capable of already. He’s the One that has gotten us this far. Every penny of Michael’s tuition is being paid for by grants offered through the Workforce Investment Act. His books were a fraction of the cost they could have been, because he was able to buy them used. We are going where God is taking us. We’re not chickening out now! With God on our side, what is there to fear? There is nothing to fear, absolutely nothing! I can rest in my Father’s arms. What could be better than sitting on Daddy’s lap, listening to His heart, and watching a beautiful story unfolding?

Jeremiah 29:11 (The Message)

"I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." 

Lord, thank You for the great adventure you’re taking us on. Help us to continually keep our eyes on You. Help us to hear Your voice and help us to carefully take each step in the direction You are leading us. May our faith continue to grow, and may You use our lives as a testament of Your goodness. Amen.

Live Abundantly!

Amy

To love and to be loved are the two greatest things we can experience in this life…I heard these words spoken during a wedding toast recently. I have to agree. There is nothing that compares to the fulfillment of loving someone deeply and experiencing his or her love in return.

Yet, I am continually being challenged in my ability to love fully. Loving someone who continually shows me love is not a hard thing. The difficulty comes in loving those that don’t seem lovable. If we only show love to those who are kind and caring, then why do we need Christ? Throughout my life, the Lord has allowed unloving people to cross my path.  I believe He has wanted to teach me how to love the way He loves – with no bounds.

I don’t know about everyone else, but for me, my marriage is by far the most challenging when it comes to continually showing true Christ-like love. The Lord has a way of bringing together complete opposites; this is what He did in my life, with my husband and me. It’s kind of funny when I think about how totally opposite we are. My husband is an introvert - I am an extrovert.  He is a morning person – I am a night person. He is a reserved, more serious person – I am a free-spirited person. He is a ‘plan every detail’ kind of person - I am a ‘go with the flow’ kind of person. He is more of a spender – I am more of a saver. He is more laid back about housekeeping – I am the ‘wants everything in its place’ kind of person. The list goes on…I could go on listing more differences in our God-given personalities. And I didn’t even mention the natural differences there are in men and women. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about: The “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” thing. That’s a whole separate topic!

For better or for worse…There’s a reason we said these words in our marriage vows. Because when two people come together with completely opposite natures – there will be friction. There is no way to get around it. One time, I heard someone say that they would prefer to have a mate with a similar personality to theirs. Not me! It would be totally boring to spend the rest of my life with someone like myself. My husband was made for me - there is no doubt about it.

But knowing we were made for each other doesn’t keep us from being tested in our ability to truly love one another. The marriage relationship is the most powerful way to live out our Christianity. It is the perfect opportunity to live out our beliefs, and share Christ’s love with the person closest to us. As husband and wife, we are bonded like no other bond.  

There is no one on this earth that knows me more intimately than my husband, not even my mother and father. When the Lord began tearing down walls that were between my husband and me, a deep level of intimacy began growing. We began sharing our deepest fears, our hurts and our wildest dreams with each other. We laid out our most valuable treasures to share with the other, trusting that they would be delicately treated.

It has been a beautiful thing. But as the depth of our marriage has grown, so has the cost. Our ability to hurt each other is much greater now. When we were holding tightly onto the deepest parts of our souls, it was safer. There wasn’t so much at stake. Now my husband holds the most valuable part of me in his hand – my heart. I have given all of it to him, not small parts. He has it all. The only One who exceeds this bond is Christ. It is my bond with Christ that has allowed me to open my heart fully to my husband.  Without Christ’s love, I would have to keep my heart guarded and protected, living in mediocrity. I did this for many years. I lived and loved half-heartedly. I was too busy trying to protect myself from hurt to really love the way I know Christ intends for me to. The cost was too high for me. I knew that if I dared to love as Christ loves, I could end up getting hurt. So I didn’t take many risks.

Things started changing when I allowed Christ to begin healing the wounded places in my heart. As He healed each wound, a piece of the protective shield that surrounded my heart began breaking away. I began opening myself to my husband in ways I never had before. I began sharing every part of my heart with him – not holding back anything, letting him see my bare soul.  I remember consciously making a decision a few years ago to love hard no matter what the cost. It hasn’t been as easy as I thought it was going to be. My unguarded heart is vulnerable and when hurt is inflicted, it can go deep. Loving hard, loving fully means hurting sometimes. That’s part of it.

The marriage relationship is the place that love is tested the most. The closeness in the relationship forces us to face our differences. The only other option is to grow apart, living together in the same house. What’s the point in that? We didn’t get married to be roommates. We want to be lovers and best friends.

Recently, I was in the midst of a test in my ability to love my husband fully. My feelings had been hurt, and I was having a hard time letting it go. I just kept thinking, “I have a right to feel this way.” My flesh was demanding its way. I wanted my husband to come to me and make it right. Instead of loving fully, I allowed a wall to go up between us. Those protective barriers were creeping back. I had an option, I could either keep waiting on him to come and make it right, or I could let go of my hurt and be the initiator of the reconciliation. It’s so much easier to wait, let him come to me, and let him admit his wrong. It feels better that way.

After contemplating my choices for a while, I ended up in my secluded place with the Lord, praying these words: Lord Jesus, what would You do in the situation I am in? He immediately answered: “LOVE - expecting NOTHING in return.” It hit me like a ton of bricks!  My mind was bombarded with thoughts: “How can I do this, everything in me wants something in return.” The Lord flooded out my thoughts with this Bible verse: “I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13). He continued speaking to my heart. He was nudging me to go read 1 Corinthians 13. I knew this chapter well. Our pastor read it at our wedding. I had read it dozens of times throughout my life. I sensed the Lord saying to read it in the Living Bible translation. I went into our office, pulled my old Bible off the bookshelf, and began reading these words:

Love is very patient, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love DOES NOT demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will HARDLY EVER NOTICE when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.

By the time I got to the end, I was weeping in repentance. I asked the Lord to forgive me for the mistake I had made.  I had gotten so caught up in what wrong had been inflicted on me that it was all I could see. Letting go hurts. Loving someone regardless of the hurt that may have been imposed is hard. It means I have to die to my desires to be heard - die to my desires to be understood. It means putting others’ feelings before mine. Mother Teresa knew how to love. She understood that sometimes loving hurts. She once said: “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

Since that night when the Lord spoke boldly to me about love, I have stayed focused on the words in Corinthians 13. I have read it over and over. I have prayed for the Lord to continually allow me to be an instrument of His unconditional love. I want to love with no bounds, take every risk possible, and love at all costs. The awards are amazing. The irony I see in all of this is that when I hold back and don’t love fully, I am sabotaging my chances for the deep connection my spirit is craving. I get caught up in the belief that holding back will protect me from hurt. Actually, when I hold back I am hurting myself more. I miss out on the really good stuff. When I dive in, loving my husband as hard as I possibly can - the desires of my heart are fulfilled. Each time I take a risk, it hurts at the moment to deny my own needs, but in the long run my marriage is blessed beyond measure; the romantic love returns, the passion comes alive, and our relationship flourishes.

God made no mistake when he chose my husband for me. He knew my weaknesses needed to be my husband’s strengths, and that my strengths needed to be his weaknesses. We need each other. This is what oneness is about (Genesis 2:24). It is a process of learning, and taking a lifetime to learn to love. It’s amazing – this thing called love. There is no greater power than the power of love. It’s worth the risk. It’s worth the tears. It’s worth diving in as deep as you can go…because no matter what - Love Never Fails!

1 Corinthians 13:8

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge; it will pass away. NIV

Lord, thank you for allowing me to experience the power of love! Thank you for the deep love my husband and I share. I pray that our love will continue to deepen and grow beyond anything we can imagine. May our lives together be a beautiful example of Your love. Amen.

Live Abundantly!

~Amy

My article for Intercessory Prayer Network SE:                                                     

There are countless questions surrounding God and His kingdom. As humans, we long to understand the mysteries of our Creator. There is really no way to have all of our questions answered while living in our present bodies. But I have discovered He does give us some of the answers we long for.

For many years, I didn’t understand God at all. I knew He created me, and I knew I was His child. But when disappointment and difficulty arose in my life, I felt betrayed. I felt like God didn’t really care about me. I continued pressing on, clinging to the scriptures I had studied. Little by little, I began seeing the truth, as God showed me in tangible ways how His kingdom works. There are dozens of examples of God’s goodness written on my heart. The most recent example outdoes them all.

Last fall, I went out on a limb with the Lord, trusting Him with plans for my daughter.  She was beginning her senior year of high school with no plans for her future. The one thing she knew, without a doubt, was that she was called to study photography. She had recently seen a small, private college that intrigued her. My daughter discovered that the school held what she was looking for - an exceptional photography program.

There was one major problem. Due to job losses, we had no college fund. The private school’s tuition was two-thirds higher than the local public college. The Hope Scholarship, which Georgia residents receive, only covers a small percentage of a private school’s tuition. It seemed like an impossible choice. After all, “Plan B” would be much more feasible. My daughter could attend the public college free with the Hope Scholarship. But she would be settling for less – there is not a photography program at the public school.

We had a choice to make. Would we face our fears and go after what we believed was God’s plan, or just settle? We began seeking God, and He answered. I heard Him saying, “Why consider Plan B, if we know that God’s best for our daughter’s life is Plan A?” So our journey of trust began. Walking in blind faith, we put one foot in front of the other to move toward the vision God had given us. Challenges arose throughout the process, but we kept moving, kept trusting.

After 8 months of waiting, we received the news we had prayed about and trusted God for. My daughter received a total of 7 scholarships and grants (gifts, not loans) to pay for the private college. The Lord gave us the vision, we chose to believe, and He fulfilled it! I wept with joy over what the Lord had done.

The Bible tells us we can move mountains with the faith of a mustard seed (Matthew 17:20). What mountains are you moving? Don’t settle for anything less than God’s best.

1. Seek FIRST God's kingdom (Matthew 6:33).

2. BELIEVE God has good plans for you. (Jeremiah 29:11).

3. FEARLESSLY go after that which the Lord has called you to (Isaiah 41:13).

2 Corinthians 5:7

"We live by faith, not by sight."

Lord, thank You for coming through for me in the most unbelievable ways! Thank You for Your goodness, Your grace, and Your mercy. Help me to continually live by FAITH, not by sight. Let my life be a shining example of the HOPE You bring! Amen.

Live Abundantly!

Amy

I feel like dancing! I want to shout to the world the goodness of God! He never ceases to amaze me. He fills my heart with joy! He gives me life. He is my life! If people knew what they could have in Christ, they would be sprinting as fast as they possibly could to sit at His feet. People that do not know me, and hear of the trials I have endured during the past decade and a half, would certainly ask, “How can she rejoice in the midst of difficulties?” If they had the desire to listen, I would gladly share my secret. It really is no secret – it is the gift that was given to all mankind over 2000 years ago.

I have not always had the joy, the peace, the restful heart that I have today. For quite a number of years I let the trials and difficulties rule my life. I remember a time when a man at my church walked over to me and asked a question about my demeanor. He asked, “Amy, why do you look like your dog just died?” I came home and thought long and hard about his question. It was a defining moment in my life. The question catapulted me into a search - a long, hard search for the key to happiness.

As a child growing up, a misleading picture had been painted for me about Christianity. And I bought into some mistruths about who Jesus is. Since my search for happiness began, Jesus has been showing me who He REALLY is. It has been an adventurous journey, leading me to a full life in Christ. It keeps getting better and better, as I grow closer to His heart and taste the goodness He gives to me. He keeps me on the edge of my seat waiting to see what is next for my life.

In 2005, I began tasting the goodness of God like never before. The Lord used my priest, Father Kurt, to bring forth tremendous fruit in my life. Father Kurt sensed the Holy Spirit urging our church to begin a season of fasting. On several different occasions, he asked us to join him in a fast for up to forty days. There is no question about it. IT CHANGED MY LIFE! These fasts were not typical. Most people think of food when they think of fasting. He asked us to fast from food, but he also asked us to temporarily refrain from anything that could be hindering our relationship with Christ. - T.V., computers, blogging, cell phones and so on. At the time, I did not even know what a blog was, but trust me I had plenty of things to fast from. A challenging one for me was the TV.  I am sure this sounds like pure torture. You may be thinking, “How dare that man ask people to give up these perfectly normal things!” I promise it was not a controlling thing at all. He never tried to force anybody to do this. It was simply an exercise he wanted us to try, if we felt led by God. And it was very temporary.

I cannot remember exactly how many different times I fasted. But there is one thing I know for certain - I experienced Christ, like I never had before, and I have never been the same! During the fasting, I was healed of a physical ailment I had suffered from for nearly 3 years. Most importantly, addictions were broken in my life, and I found a New Addiction.

I have a favorite memory from my season of fasting. I smile when I think of the day I called a Christian radio station and won a Christian CD. It was a CD with a collection of songs from various Christian artists. The day it arrived at my house, I popped it in my CD player and I began to hear the lyrics of Kirk Franklin. I had never heard of him until then. The song was titled, “Stomp!” I wrote in my journal that the song was my theme song during the fast, and it described exactly how I was feeling.

 The main chorus:

Lately I've been going through some things that's really got me down.
I need someone, somebody to help me come and turn my life around.
I can't explain it, I can't obtain it. Jesus your love is so, it's so amazing.
It gets me high, up to the sky, and when I think about your goodness it makes me wanna stomp.
Makes me clap my hands. Makes me wanna dance and stomp.
My brother can't you see I've got the victory. STOMP!!!

Today, I own 4 of Kirk Franklin’s CDs. I am jamming to his music right now. My daughter walked into the room a few minutes ago, and asked, “Are you having a little party?”  I am having a party - in my heart! I am so happy. I am so blessed to know Jesus in the intimate way that I do. He is everything to me. So if you ask, “How can you be so happy when things are uncertain in your life?” My certainty is in Jesus. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow (Hebrews 13:8). No matter what is going on around me, I can run to His arms and feel peace. Nothing can take Jesus away from me. Everything else in this world will pass away, but Jesus will be here for all of eternity. It is hard to wrap our brains around that. Jesus is REAL. There is nothing that satisfies like Him.

There is not a drug, not an alcoholic beverage, not an obsession that will fill your heart like Jesus can. I have seen a testimony of this with my own eyes. I watched as the Lord delivered two of my family members of alcohol addiction.  Jesus began filling the empty places in their hearts, and they have never needed a drink since then. I have stayed far away from alcohol because of the addiction I saw in my family. Even though I have never had an addiction to alcohol or drugs, I have seen how it destroys lives. I have had enough struggles in my life to understand what it is like to experience pain and hurt, and how easy it can be to run to other things besides God to numb myself and escape. So when I am tempted to run to substitutes for God, I stop, and the Lord reminds me that to experience the fullness of life and to have the happiness I desire – I must run to Him. I must be saturated, obsessed, fully consumed, and addicted to Jesus!

Isaiah 58: 6

Is this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of INJUSTICE and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed FREE and break every yoke? NIV

1 John 2: 16-17

For everything in the world – the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. NIV

Lord, I thank You and praise You for the obsession I have in You. It is the one addiction that will not destroy my life - it brings me life! Lord, I am amazed by Your love and Your continual pursuit of me. I am amazed at how You are always ready, waiting, available for me to run to, when I am hurting. I am amazed by how You are never angry at me, how You lovingly guide me to righteousness when I mess up. I am amazed by how You make ALL things work together for good in my life. I am amazed by how You give me the desires of my heart before I even ask. You know every thought, every concern, You have captured every tear, You have soothed my soul in my times of deep hurt. You have given me Beauty for Ashes, laughter instead of hopelessness, faith instead of fear. You are my life!

Now, I pray that each and every person that reads this will be touched by Your love in a mighty way! I pray that You will pursue them relentlessly, and that they will fall passionately in love with You. Lord, let Your light shine through all of us as Your children, so that the world will see Your goodness! Amen.

Do you desire to experience the fullness of life? Pray today for Jesus to be your obsession. You will never be the same!

 Live Abundantly!

~Amy

This week, we held our last worship service in the building that our congregation bought and began restoring 3 ½ years ago. Christ the Redeemer, established in 1999, rejoiced over a long-awaited dream come true when we moved into our building. Now, with mixed emotions, we are leaving the building behind. Our small group of parishioners can no longer bear the financial burden of owning the building. It is bittersweet saying goodbye to what we have become attached to. Many have poured their time, energy, and hearts into turning a diamond in the rough into a beautiful place of worship. The building itself is a symbol of the great work and renovation God has done in our lives. There are countless memories connected to the quaint, little church.

My best memory is of the time our priest, Father Kurt, asked the entire congregation to participate in a 21 day fast. Father Kurt requested for members to visit the church each of the 21 days, to pray. Upon hearing the request, hands quickly popped up in the air. A deacon counted the hands, and there were 21 volunteers – precisely the right number! This was a sign to all of us that God had ordained this fast. Father Kurt encouraged us to come and pray at the church as many times as possible during the fast. My husband and I knew the Lord was calling us to make daily visits to our sacred building. One of us went there each day to meditate and pray.

The very first morning of the fast, I woke up with great anticipation of what the Lord was going to do. Shortly after waking up, I packed up my son’s home-schooling necessities, and we headed to the church. We sat on the floor in front of the altar, where we usually kneel for communion. I prayed and wrote in my journal. I felt tremendous peace, and I knew the Lord was with us. The time passed so quickly. Before I knew it, we had been there for three hours, breathing in the sweet Spirit of Jesus. I have 41 journal pages written about all God was showing me during those days of fasting.

There is one thing that seemed most significant about the fast. God was breaking things away. While praying, I had a vision of the members of our church holding hands, encircling the building – a symbol of the spirit of unity that was filling our hearts. Throughout those 21 days, prayers were offered up, visions were seen, and dreams were dreamt, sitting there at the altar of my church. It was surreal. There are really no words to explain what happened in those hours of prayer. The memories will be in my heart forever.

So as I face a time of transition, and leave behind a place of worship, my heart is touched and a little sad. It is never easy making a change. We have grown as a congregation in this building – not in numbers, in fact, many have left. But for those of us who have stayed, our hearts have been circumcised, stretched, renewed and tested. It has been kind of like a special edition of “The Survivor Show,” watching who would survive the pruning. Some have questioned what God is doing with our little church. I believe He has been preparing us for the vision He has for us. He has been building our church on a strong foundation, getting us ready for what is to come. This feels like an ending. But it is really a “New Beginning.” Here we are in 2008, a year of new beginnings. The Lord has been sloughing away the dead places in our hearts, gearing us up for a new season. The best is yet to come!

I will miss our building, and I will certainly shed some tears. But is the church really about the building? No, it is not. I see clearly that it is about the group of people God has chosen for me to worship with, grow with, bear my burdens with, journey with, and celebrate life with – this is my family, my home, my church.

Thank you, my beloved church!

 ~Amy
 

Romans 15: 5 – 6

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  NIV

My monthly article written for: Intercessory Prayer Network SE

Pain, sorrow, disappointment, heartache, sadness -- these are a part of life. There is nothing we can do to escape the difficulties of life. At one time or another we will all experience a time of grief. Recently, I have heard more stories of sorrow than ever before. My heart sunk deep into my chest when I heard the most tragic news of the year. Steven Curtis Chapman's 5 year old daughter died after being struck by a car. I cannot imagine the depth of pain the Chapmans are experiencing. How does someone process such a devastating loss? How will they begin a new life? I have experienced enough sorrow to know the answer to these questions.

Eleven years ago, I was in the midst of what I believe was the most painful season of my life. I had fallen prey to the victim mentality, and I was surrounded by misery. I was struggling to understand God and why He was allowing so much suffering. Late one night, the Lord reminded me of the suffering He experienced on the cross. I could hear Him speaking these words to me: “It is through pain and sorrow that you will understand My suffering and grow close to Me.” My heart began changing. I realized that I was not a victim. The Bible says, as Christians, we are to be imitators of Christ (Ephesians 5:1). How can we be imitators of Christ without experiencing some suffering? Christ's life was defined by suffering. He experienced every kind of rejection, pain, and sorrow known to mankind. Yet He embraced the sorrow and knew this was His Father's will.

God never promised that there would be no sadness. He promised that He would never leave us nor forsake us. In our suffering - if we seek God - the pain will bring us closer to His heart, and we will experience His loving embrace. It is in the valley that we gain the most valuable treasures. Just like a pearl gets its beauty from an irritant trapped inside the shell, our hearts are shaped and purified by the trials we endure. Compassion and mercy grow in our hearts during seasons of mourning, making us powerful intercessors.

Do you desire to find God's treasures in the midst of grief? When facing difficulties, we can either be a victim, or we can be a victor. Choose to live as a victor, and allow Christ's love to heal the hurt during seasons of sorrow. These simple steps can help us on the journey:

 
1. Join a support group. Healing comes faster through the love and comfort of others.

2. Start a gratitude journal - write a daily prayer of thanks. Thankfulness has a way of eradicating self-pity.

3. Resist the temptation of burying emotions - let the tears flow. The Lord has given us a gift of tears to cleanse our soul as we experience sorrow. Psalm 126:5 says, "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy."

To live in victory, we must know there is a purpose to our pain. The very pain we are experiencing today is possibly the ministry tool God will use in the future. He may need us to intercede and minister to a family like the Chapmans, who are grieving a tremendous loss. Trust that the Lord has a bigger plan, and begin embracing sorrow.

Live Abundantly!
~Amy

I am a crier, and I am glad that I am. But it has not always been that way. I am not sure when my distorted view of tears was formed. I just know that sometime in my childhood, I latched onto the idea that crying is a sign of weakness. When I was growing up, I cried about basically everything. I was eventually labeled the “baby,” or some people put it in nicer words, “Oh, Amy is so tender-hearted.” What I heard in my head was “Amy is weak, and she can’t handle anything.” I often wondered, “Why can’t I be like everyone else?” I carried this way of thinking throughout most of my life. It has only been during the past couple of years that the Lord has shown me the truth about tears.

It started a few years ago, when my daughter was running late for her orthodontist appointment.  I responded with complete grumpiness. The really odd thing about that day is the way I drove the car. As I was hurrying to the orthodontist, I was taking my frustration out on my car – swerving around corners, slowing and starting in an aggressive way. I am sure you are getting the picture. For some people, this may be normal, but for me this was way out of character. Within 5 minutes, I saw what was going on. I was thinking, “What am I doing? I have never acted like this!” The frustration melted away as I began asking the Lord why I was acting this way. He took me back to the memory of a decision I had made months before, not to cry anymore. I had made up my mind that I was strong, and I had grown out of the crying phase. I was going to be like everyone else, and just handle life like a “Soldier!” In reality, I had begun hardening my heart. Instead of processing my sadness or frustration, I had begun shrugging it off. It made me feel strong and tough. The problem is that I did not like what I had seen in myself that day. Was this how I wanted to be – edgy, impatient, and snappy?

I am thankful that I tried life without tears, so that I could see for myself how necessary they are. Tears are a gift from God to cleanse our souls from the sorrow that touches our lives. Tears are an expression of our deep emotions that otherwise would be unfelt. Tears of joy are just as necessary as tears of sadness. One time my husband and I had a brief separation to sort through our marital strife. I was not sure what the outcome would be. When God intervened and we reunited, I cried for weeks. Night after night I would lay awake weeping until I fell asleep. The joy in my heart was so great that tears were the only way for it to be released. It feels like I have cried enough tears to fill a large boat. But I do not regret that at all. I cry often, I cry over sad things, happy things, exciting things, I cry when I pray, I cry during movies and T.V. shows. Sometimes I just know I need to cry, so I plan what I call a programmed cry. I turn on my Christian music – there are certain songs that encourage worship and draw me close to the Lord. I wait for His embrace and let the tears flow. It is so healing to let God’s Spirit envelop my heart and savor the gift of tears.

Psalm 126:5

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. KJV

Psalm 56:8

Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book? KJV

Lord, thank you for the wonderful gift of tears. Thank you that I don’t have to carry pain,   sorrow, and heartache inside me forever. Thank you that I can express my deepest emotions through tears. Help me to always embrace your gift of tears and reap the joy that comes through crying. Amen.

~Amy

Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I was driving away from my mother’s house last summer. My heart was deeply touched when the realization hit me: My mother lives in the ghetto. But the difference between my mother, and others that live in the ghetto, is that she lives there by choice. She had previously lived in a very classy home in a prestigious community. Then one day she and her husband heard the voice of the Lord nudging them to move to a small town in West Georgia to plant a mission church. They sold their home, left upper middle class suburbia, and moved to a tiny house in a mill village that was built around the turn of the 19^th century.

I clearly remember the first time I saw the neighborhood. I had never seen anything quite like it, and neither had some of my other family members. My brother’s humor lightened our shocked state the first time we visited the new place that my mom called "home." He said,  “This reminds me of Archie Bunker’s neighborhood.” We had a good laugh, but the truth of the matter is Archie Bunker’s neighborhood (in the 1970’s sitcom) was much nicer. My daughter inquired, “Why are there dishwashers and furniture in some of the yards of this neighborhood?” As inquisitive as we were, I knew in my heart, this was where God had called my mother to live. Seeing the elegantly dressed, middle class woman in an impoverished area may have seemed odd to some people. But for me, as her daughter, I could see that the place she had chosen to live - fit perfectly with her Christ-like heart. She had found her mission field right here in America, in a community filled with people in great need of God’s grace and love. This is what defines my mother - her gift for sharing Christ’s mercy with the poor in spirit and brokenhearted.

I could fill a book with many examples of how I have seen Christ’s light shine through my mother, but there is one that has impacted my life the most. Shortly after my 13^th birthday, my father told me that he did not love my mother anymore and he was leaving. I have the memory etched in my mind of my mother sitting at the table weeping as she read her Bible. She had just heard my father’s words of rejection. Her college sweetheart, whom she was married to for 17 years, was divorcing her, piercing her heart. Shortly after the divorce, my father remarried another woman. My heart was crushed, so I can only imagine the depth of pain my mother was experiencing. Yet in the midst of her grieving, she continued to exemplify the amazing grace of God.

My mother never spoke any unkind words about my father, and she lived out what it means to forgive the way our heavenly Father forgives. Her loving words revealed her love for Christ. She told me that we needed to pray for my father – pray that he would surrender his life to Christ. She continually showed love and kindness to my father and his new wife. My mother’s life was building tremendous faith in my teenage heart as I watched her faithfulness. I saw a miracle come forth. A little over four years later, my father radically surrendered his heart to Christ. At seventeen years old, it was a blessing to have spiritual eyes to see that the merciful love of my mother had drawn my father to the Lord.

Later, while my mother was recovering from cancer, my father shared with me the true impact my mother’s love and forgiveness had made on his life. What I had discerned in my spirit, my father’s words confirmed. He began telling me that the most significant factor leading him to a fulfilled life in Christ was experiencing the unconditional, Christ-like love of my mother. It was beautiful, hearing with my ears what I had known in my heart for many years.

The Lord honored my mother by bringing her a strong, Christian man to marry several years after my father remarried. My mother’s life is a beautiful picture of how the Lord is able to take a devastating situation and use it for good (Romans 8:28). But most of all, her life is a true example of Christ’s mercy and kindness. The Lord had a good plan when He placed her in a neighborhood where there is poverty, drug addiction, and homeless people. These people are the ones that need to see grace the most. I wrote a poem about my mother titled: “Her Name Should Be Grace.” When I presented it to her on Mother’s Day…she softly said, "That’s what my name means – GRACE. "    

I love you, Mama! Thank you for being the living example of Christ's love. You will have an abundance of crowns in heaven.

Eternally grateful,

Amy

My monthly article written for : Intercessory Prayer Network  SE

After the birth of my firstborn child, I was in tremendous need of friendship. I was new to the great adventure of motherhood, and I needed all the support I could find. I saw an ad in the local newspaper for a support group for mothers, so I decided to give it a try. I attended the meetings, got to know the leader, and eventually accepted the job as co-leader of the group.

The support group seemed to be just what I needed at the time. But as the months went by, the burden of the leadership responsibilities began outweighing the benefits of my new support system. Ten months after joining the group, I wanted to walk away. I expressed my concerns to the woman I was co-leading with, which led to a misunderstanding between us. I noticed that my heart was beginning to harbor resentment. The warmth in our relationship turned to coldness.  

For the first time in my adult life – I had to face a heart-wrenching question: Would I be able to forgive, or would I hold onto the resentment? As a young woman in my twenties, I had very little relationship experience. But I knew what the Bible says about forgiveness:

Colossians 3: 13-14 "Bear with each other and forgive each other whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." NIV 

Ephesians 4:32 "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." NIV

Matthew 18:21-22 "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered,  ' I tell you the truth, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.' " NIV

Even though I knew these scriptures about forgiveness, I was tempted to harden my heart. I remember asking for prayer at church. I knew I needed the Lord’s help to do the right thing. I decided to call the woman and make things right. At the time, I had no idea what that phone call would mean for my life, and ultimately for God’s kingdom. There is one detail that is most significant about this story. The woman I needed to forgive was not a Christian. She knew that I was a strong Christian. What if I had chosen to stay offended and walk away from her life? What message would that have spoken to her heart – especially about God?

I believe the choice I made was a pivotal decision in my life. When I chose to forgive and to respond with love – the heavens rejoiced! The woman I forgave grew to become one of my most cherished friends. Seventeen years later, I have a gift to enjoy – an irreplaceable, lifelong friendship. Above all, my beloved friend gave her life to Christ. I pray that I will always exemplify the love of Christ and reap the blessing of forgiveness.

Amy

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